This past summer I packed up and left my sweet little church office that overlooked gorgeous woods where red foxes regularly play.
I also stepped out of the pulpit, turned in my clergy visitor badge at the hospital, and said my goodbyes to the people who had trusted me to bless their babies, perform their marriages, sit with their families in crisis, and eulogize those they had loved and lost.
I put away my robe and stole and breathed a sigh of relief. Now I could just be a mom for a while, I thought. I think it was the “just be a mom” piece that set the universe to laughing at me. I should have known better.
On my very first day at home, I got to preside over a memorial service for Bo the gerbil in my front yard. “Just being a mom” that day meant helping my son hold his grief, find some sense of comfort, and begin to sort out some pretty complex questions about life, death, love, and the spirituality that is woven throughout all our living.
Little gerbil. Big tears. Little boy. Big questions.
None of this should have come as a surprise to me. I have taught parenting and spirituality classes, fielded seriously hard questions about God and faith from kindergartners, and cared for families dealing with everything from joy to tragedy. But attending to my own child’s loss – to his need and his big questions – turned out to be an altogether different thing. I guess some people might call it “just being a mom.”
Six months later, I’ve had some time to gather some thoughts on how to do this day-to-day work of attending to the big questions and spiritual wonderings of my own little ones. Here are some suggestions:
1. Let your child lead you where she or he needs to go and when. Children are naturally spiritual beings – open to wonder, deeply curious, imaginative in their questions and the evolving conclusions they draw. Follow their lead and timing. Answer the questions they have in the simplest and best way you know how. Feel free to say,
- “I’m not sure. What do you think?” or
- “Here’s how I understand this. Does that make sense to you?” or
- “Let’s see if we can figure that out together.”
Then research resources or call a trusted family member, friend, or faith leader together.
2. Engage and attend to your own faith or spiritual practices. Pray or meditate with your child or while they’re around and can see you. Live out your values in ways they can observe. Look into a need in your community that is compelling to you or your child and attend to it together (in age appropriate ways.) Shop for donations with your kids in the cart and talk to them about why you’re willing and wanting to share and care for others. Attend services together and talk about what it was like and what questions you have. When you feel grateful, say so. If nature moves you and gives you a sense of Spirit or belonging, articulate it. If you are moved by another’s compassion or heartache, let that connection be known in ways your child can understand and handle.
3. Remember that being a kid can be a hard job. It’s a full-time gig doing all that meaning making, social navigating, growing, and learning. If you try to engage your child in a conversation about spirituality and they change the subject, move on with them. They will find their way back when the time is right and they have the capacity and/or interest.
4. Connect conversations about faith or spirituality – or your attempts to answer the big questions – to regular kid business. If you’re trying to talk to your child about God’s generous love, bring up how Grandma is always ready to hug and listen or how she always bakes their favorite kind of cookies. If you want to share your thoughts on living for the common good, talk to your child about sharing the swing at recess, choosing ethically made toys, or protecting the earth and its people through recycling or living simply. If you want your child to understand the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation, ask him about a time that a friend hurt his feelings or what it feels like to stay mad.
5. Avoid using spirituality as a tool for getting what you want – compliance, apologies, good behavior, etc. Invite spiritual exploration in a way that builds up in loving kindness instead of breaks down through manipulation, shaming, intimidation, or fear.
6. Seek out or establish your own rituals as a family. Observe religious holidays or engage in acts of service together and explain the what and why behind them. Create your own rituals to mark the sacred nature of life and relationships. Try writing your own mealtime or bedtime prayer together. Invite each person at the dinner table to complete the sentence, “I am grateful for…” or “I hope…” before you eat.
These are some ways I’m trying to “just be a mom” these busy days. The gerbil grave is now buried under two feet of snow, and my son is now begging for a dog. Pray for me.
Like what you read? Sign up for our free newsletter so you can be informed of the latest FREE webinars & teleclasses, parenting articles, & weekly raffles.
Leah Lonsbury is writer and mom who has worked as a pastor for two progressive churches, taught high school English, and worn a variety of other professional hats. A native of Kansas City, Missouri, Leah went to seminary in Atlanta, Georgia and now resides in Madison, Wisconsin. She currently spends her time chasing her two children, working for justice in her community, volunteering with the Alliance of Baptists, and writing preaching resources for The Immediate Word.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.
Comments are closed.