Night Frights

My child is beginning to get frightened at night, monsters and all, and is having trouble sleeping (so, of course, so am I – YAWN). What to do?

Yes, yes, right on time. That time when children have a wonderful imagination, but also lack a firm grasp on what is real and what is not (Big Bird, Mickey, Elmo, all real to a two- and 3-year-old). I will hit on what TO do in a moment, but first let’s touch on what NOT to do:

Do not over sympathize. Yes, sounds crazy. You want to be there for your child, but do not go overboard. Why would I say such a cold and insensitive thing?

See, when YOU get super upset, your child will think he needs to be too, and continue with his fears. “Oh honey, I know the dark is so super scary. I used to be so scared too. I still do not really like the dark. I know how you feel. It can frighten me too.”

This all sounds wonderfully supportive, but you just told your kid that you, the grown up – the protector of all, the maker right of all things, the most powerful and all-knowing being in the universe – is frightened of the dark. So if you are afraid, how could the fear not be warranted?

Nix the monster spray or magic monster wands, or checking under the bed for monsters or monster trap. They all seem like great plans: give a kid monster spray, ya know, the stuff that keeps monsters away, and your child will feel safe. See, uhh, well, the thing is… if one needs monster spray to keep the monsters away, then there must be monsters that need to be kept away, right? Yes, by giving a child some magical, mystical thing to protect them from monsters, you are, in fact, confirming the existence of monsters – and in turn, your child’s warranted fears of them.

Negativity time over. Now for what TO do:

• Be understanding, but also help figure out solutions. “I know you are afraid. What could make you feel better?” If suggestions are needed, you could offer up a flashlight, nightlight, picture of you next to the bed, etc. See what your child might come up with.
• Be clear that though the dark can be tough because it is hard to see, there are NO monsters. Yes, we can get all deep and discuss that there are “monsters” and bad people and things in the world, but there is no need for that right now. Also, what your child is really afraid of is a big green hairy monster with pointy teeth and claws. They do NOT exist.

So to sum it up: be understanding but do not confirm the fears. Also, help your child find ways to feel better about the dark, thus teaching her how to cope and problem solve – skills that will be needed throughout life. Perhaps a flashlight so that your child can see the “monster” that’s moving is really just her stuffed animal. Maybe a picture of you will be comforting. Ask and you may be amazed at what your child will come up with.

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Brandi Davis, ACC, is a professional Parenting Coach, Parent Educator, and Author of O.K. I’m A Parent Now What? She can also be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and be sure to catch her parenting podcasts on iTunes. The goal of Brandi’s practice is to bring respect, calm communication, teamwork, and FUN into the home or classroom. To discover all that Child and Family Coaching can bring to your family stop by www.childandfamilycoaching.com.

The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.