This is an unabridged version of a column I wrote for GRAND Magazine. I hope you enjoy it!
After watching her eight-year-old grandson, Mickey, stand-up paddle boarding (SUP), Grandma Lee commented that it sure looked like a fun thing to do. Mickey said, “Grandma Lee, I can teach you how to SUP.” And he did.
Mickey took his teaching role very seriously, first demonstrating how to do it, then coaching her – e.g., “Jiggle the board gently back and forth to see how stable it is.” He insisted on being with her the first three times, but then he “cleared” her to go on her own. Mickey went on to teach his aunt and two cousins, too, and is now viewed as the family go-to SUP teacher, a role he relishes. This grandmother and her grandson continue to enjoy paddle boarding together.
Although it is a bit of a role reversal when a grandchild is the teacher and the grandparent is the student, it’s not all that unusual. When a group of grandparents were asked for similar instances, their responses were numerous and varied.
Many grandparents said they turn to their grandchildren – some as young as four! – to teach them how to use electronic devices and applications, for example, using Skype to stay in touch or playing digital chess or Scrabble together. One grandmother shares that after her grandson’s bar mitzvah, he gathered family members together and taught them to play The New York Times Electronic SET Game, an electronic activity that challenges players’ spatial and analytic skills. This multi-generational family played into the wee hours of the morning.
Others describe how their grandchildren taught them activities that they otherwise would not have taken up, e.g., mini-golf, baseball, mountain biking, archery, fantasy football. One set of grandparents was informed by their 13-year-old granddaughter that they needed to take up tennis if they wanted her to go with them on a vacation they were planning for the three of them. They did.
Grandparents write about how grandchildren give them new knowledge: “We are amazed at how much our grandchildren have taught us about animals. They know things about animals we’ve never even heard of — and only roll their eyes a little when we say we’re not familiar with a particular animal. (Have you ever heard of a golden lion tamarin monkey? Did you know that a liger is the offspring of a male lion and a female tiger?) They’ve read books, seen movies, been to zoos and aquariums, and have touched and fed numerous animals, when allowed. We love to hear their factoids and encourage their learning about animals as we feel they are helping themselves and us be good stewards of our environment.”
There are times a grandchild teaches by example: the grandmother who was inspired to overcome her fear of the water as she watched her then-three-year-old grandson give her the thumbs up as he was having a swim lesson; or the grandfather who realized that he needed to park the anxiety he was bringing to his grandchildren’s sports games and dance recitals. His grandchildren were having fun and they didn’t care if they missed a ball or flubbed a twirl. He learned from them to lighten up.
Sometimes grandparents request the instruction, other times a grandchild offers. In all cases the end results are the same: closer interpersonal connections between the grandparent and the grandchild; spending more time together; getting to know each other in different ways; sharing experiences that form the basis of lifelong memories. In addition, being a teacher helps the grandchild feel competent, confident, and respected: “I have skills and knowledge to share that are of value to someone important in my life.”
There is a Japanese proverb, “Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher.” As it turns out, a great teacher can be a grandchild of any age.
Ask Dr. Gramma Karen is published every other Tuesday.
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