Divorce and separation, no matter how amicable the situation, is challenging for everyone involved. It can be particularly so for children, given the number of major changes that will occur in that child’s life. Children’s reactions to divorce can range from anger towards the parent, to changes in overall behavior with family and peers, to simply feeling upset and sad for a period of time. Their ability to cope with these feelings relates directly to a parent’s ability to handle the situation and to the child’s age. For children 3-8, keep the following in mind:

1. Make Sure They Know That Both Spouses Love Them- Let your children know that mom and dad both love them very much.  That does not change.  Ideally, you should both still be involved in your child’s life and activities.  Keep negativity out of it.  No badmouthing spouses, no blame.  This is useless for a child and will only add to their stress.

2. Have A Schedule- Predictability for when the children will see each parent and when they might be with caregivers, is especially important at the beginning of a separation or divorce.  Children need to know what to expect. Keep the focus on the facts.  Who will be leaving the home?  If one parent was always responsible for a certain activity-bath, dinner, etc. will that person still be doing it?

3. Stay Consistent With Discipline- as much as possible between spouses and caregivers.  Certainly, some acting out would not be surprising but staying consistent, rather than being permissive out of guilt, will actually give the children a sense of safety.

4. Use Photographs- Family albums that include pictures of the family together, a parents’ new home, parents at work, rooms at the new residence, help young children more concretely understand the changes that are coming.  They are also great conversation starters for younger children and those who may be more reluctant to speak initially.   You might take pictures of a child’s special stuffed animal or blanket in both places to remind them that their important things can travel with them from one home to another.

5. Keep it Age Appropriate and Let them Ask Questions Over Time- Think about how old your young child is and how much they can understand.  What you tell a 2 year old is not the same as what you’d tell a 5 year old.  Know your child and his or her level of understanding.  After you’ve spoken ask them open-ended questions like “What are you thinking?”  “Do you have any questions?”  They may have none at the time of the conversation.  Gently remind them over time that they can always ask questions.

6. Get Help If You Need It- For some children and families having a safe, neutral party who can help them work through this process and manage their feelings is essential.  Always let caregivers, teachers, and school administrators know about changes in your child’s life so that they can monitor your child and let you know if something comes up.  A parents’ attitude toward the changes will have a significant impact on how a child copes with this situation and with challenges in the future.  Keep in mind the importance of maintaining your child’s self-esteem.  If you’re not sure how to do that, or want some support, ask for help.  You are not alone.

Dana Rosenbloom has a master’s degree in Infant and Parent Development and Early Intervention and has been working with children and families for over 10 years. Dana’s Kids provides parent education, play and behavior therapy, special education services, parent workshops and support groups, and professional development. To learn more about Dana and Dana’s Kids please visit www.DanasKids.com.  You can also follow Dana on Facebook: www.facebook.com/DanasKids1 and Twitter: DJRkids.

You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about a toddlers and what happens when they start toddling (and talking)! We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about children in their second year. Each Wednesday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of a parent with a toddler. Chiming in to give her feedback will be an expert who has been there and done that. Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.

When and how do we transition to a big girl/boy bed?

Expert: Marsha Greenberg

There is no exact time for a toddler to transition to a big bed. Most importantly you need to be prepared for some extra time helping them learn to stay in bed-and learn to stay in their room. If your toddler is happy in his crib there is no developmental reason to think about changing other then getting too big to fit or is it getting dangerous for them to get out of bed or you need the crib for your new baby.

Transitioning to a toddler bed can take a few weeks. If you feel your toddler is ready begin to talk about a new bed. You can let your toddler know that in a few days a new bed is going to come. Talk about how you will put the crib in a safe place so the new bed can fit in the room and have a special place. If you have the room put the bed together early in the day with the crib still standing so your toddler can see the two beds and get used to the upcoming change. When you put the crib away say good bye to it together. Talk about what is different about the new bed, the special sheets, and all the cozy places his bear will be able to cuddle up in the new bed. Let him know that he will be able to get in and out of his new bed in the morning and that you will be able to lay down with him to read books together at night.

Start your bedtime routine a little earlier for the first few days in case your toddler is reluctant to stay in the bedroom. If your toddler comes out of the room gently remind them they have to go to sleep and walk them back. If they are struggling you can try sitting in a chair at the door and let them know that it takes time to get comfy in a new bed but you will help them. If they are old enough you can remind them of times they have stayed at grandmom’s house and how cozy other beds can be.

If your toddler wanders out at night you may need to put a gate on the bedroom door and make sure dangerous things are put away from counters at night.

Toddlers sometimes choose to stay on the floor near their new beds as they get used to the change but in a few weeks most toddlers have made the transition successfully.

Marsha Greenberg M.S., M.S. W

Marsha is a therapist in New York City. She is the author of the newly released book, Raising Your Toddler, by Globe Pequot Press. She has masters degrees in Child and Family Development and Social Work from the University of Michigan. As the Director of the Health Systems Child Care Program for over 14 years, she was responsible for over 250 children between the ages of 6 weeks and 6 years of age. Marsha teaches in the Early Childhood Special Education department at NYU and has a private psychotherapy practice in NYC. Marsha is the mother of three grown sons and has three grandsons (aged 4 and 18 months and 4 months) with a new grandchild on the way.

The warm weather and possibilities of summer offer great incentive to enjoy the outdoors and breath. What follows are entertaining yoga poses inspired by the season, as well as insight for a super food to boost your munchkin’s and your own immune system.

For me, summertime calls to mind the beach, water and fresh air. Likewise, let’s take a yoga journey to the beach.

Ocean Breath
When traveling to the beach, encourage your children’s involvement in a few decisions. Perhaps allow them to choose three toys to take or activities to try to support with self-regulation and manage expectations upon arriving surfside. Then when you get to the beach, lead your family in doing an ocean breath to bring calmness to everyone and help kids transition to the shoreline. Lead the ocean breath by asking the gang to breathe deeply by inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. It’s just like fogging up a mirror. For the second breath, ask them to exhale with their mouths closed. Do this a handful of times to calm the breath. To facilitate the process, tell everyone to breathe in sync with the sounds of the ocean. When the water comes inland, everyone inhales; when the waves go off to the shore, everyone exhales. As the exercise gets your family harmonized with the environment, it dually provides reassurance. Children are reassured in hearing the ocean through the echoing sounds of the ocean and consequently feel centered at the beach. As an aside, while this a technique known as Ujjayi breathing, or a way to maintain an even and smooth breath, your kids might appreciate the other names for the technique: ocean and Darth Fader breath!

Critters on the Beach
With an abundance to choose from, beach critters are an appealing way to assist with core strengthening. Just use your imagination to turn the critters your family sees into yoga poses. Round up everyone to look for critters and the like, such as shells, clams and crabs. For a shell pose, have children sit with their feet together. In this position, they touch their toes to their noses and then peek up. Next act like clams by folding over to lend a nice stretch to the back and enhance the core when lifting again. If kids want to get adventurous, have them do the crab pose by walking with their bellies in the air and hands and feet turned to the side on the sand as crabs would. Ask children to take three steps in each direction. And maybe sing a song like “Under the Sea” while you revel in the moment with them.

Row, Row, Row
Often beautiful boats appear in the ocean. Fittingly, boat pose is wonderful for fostering core strength. Have children lift one leg at a time with their bottoms on the ground and their backs elevated as they pretend to row with imaginary ores. Sing a rowing song like “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” as the kids continue to lift one leg at a time and row. This allows the brain to prepare for both legs to be lifted. Then at the end of the song, ask them to raise both legs for five seconds. Along with assisting core strength, the activity supports a strong immune system because 80 percent of the immune system is in the gut. Next time, encourage kids to lift both legs simultaneously, and maybe get siblings involved by touching the rowers’ feet as everyone rows intermittently. If you have an infant, put the tot on your lap and row with him or her. It’s all about getting the entire family together and enjoying the pose.

SUPER FUN FOOD
Our super fun food for the summer is pineapple! Filled with vitamins and minerals, this citrus fruit aids with hydration. As it’s naturally sweet, pineapple is delicious mixed in a smoothie with some banana and coconut water. If you have a juicer, mix pineapple slices with a little celery and carrots. Your child will know that those amazing veggies are in there. The drink is great for getting the vegetables in their system and helping to build a strong gut.

About the author-
Kami Evans – ERYT – 200hr, Children RYT and Holistic Health Coach
ELAHI-HOLISTIC : YOGA & FOOD
It’s where Ommm meets Yummm
Check out upcoming workshops and trainings with KAIAYOGA in Westport CT

You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about a baby and what happens once the baby is born until they are no longer called a baby but a toddler! We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about babies and those first 12 months. Each Tuesday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of a new parent. Chiming in to give her feedback will be an expert who has been there and done that as well as has oodles of professional experience with babies. Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.

When can you stop burping your baby?

Most parents stop burping their babies between the ages of 4 to 6 to 9 months. Sometimes babies will start to burp on their own after having a bottle which is a signal you can try and stop burping. Often when babies sit up unsupported they are able to burp on their own so you can stop burping them. Babies who tend to have a lot of gas or reflux will sometimes need to be burped until they are older. Your baby will guide you as to when the best time to stop burping. If they are able to burp on their own with out having a lo

Expert: Dr. Gina Lamb – Amato MD

Gina is a general pediatrician and developmental pediatrician who works at Village Pediatrics and Agho Medical practices both in Manhattan, NY. She has a masters in child therapy and works with a child psychologist Rosa Vasquez PhD performing office and home consultation for newborns and parents, office and home developmental assessments, school consultations and parent child playgroups where play and art along with baby massage and other techniques are used to help parents bond and support their child’s development. Formerly, Gina was the Director of Pediatric Special Medical Needs before she went into private practice where she cared for medically fragile infants and children. She is also a Early Intervention Pediatrician for Early Intervention which assesses and treats infants from age zero to 3 years. She has extensive experience in Early Head Start programs which work with infants from prenatal to 3 years of age. She is the mother of a beautiful daughter who is 3 years old and the joy of my life. Her husband is an artist, producer and owns Synchronicity Space, a non-profit arts organization that supports emerging artist in fine art and theatre. Finally, she is also an artist who paints mainly babies and children.

Do you find that your child has interesting, smart, and creative ideas but struggles to put them down on paper? Many students are unsure how to begin the writing process, how to write well-organized thesis statements, and how to structure each of their body paragraphs. As the writing demands of school increase, these struggles tend to follow. Yet learning the steps for composing a well-written five paragraph essay can help all students improve their writing.

Here’s how it’s done:

Step 1: The introduction paragraph.  This paragraph tends to be the most challenging one for students to write.  At the start of the essay, the student must lure in the reader with an interesting, thought-provoking remark or anecdote.  The paragraph must end with a well-constructed thesis statement to set the organization and tone of the essay.  Here are some guidelines for writing a strong introduction paragraph:

1. The opener.  Students can choose one of the following five ways to start the essay:

• Question (Ex.  Have you ever wondered how lasagna is made?)
• General Statement.  (Ex. Growing trees is an easy process.)
• Quotation.  (Ex.  A wise man once said, “If it ‘aint broke, don’t fix it.”)
• Opposite Statement (Ex. Many people believe that all water is safe to drink.)
• Story (Ex. The manager left his store to take a quick lunch break.  He was sure all of his employees were trustworthy.  He was gone for one hour, and when he returned, all of the cash was missing from his register.)

For practice, encourage your child to write just the opener of several different essays on various topics.  These five choices will add variety and creativity to his or her writing!

2. The thesis statement.  The thesis statement should always come at the end of the introduction paragraph.  It should contain two parts: the student’s opinion on the topic and his or her plan for the essay.  For example, a well-constructed thesis statement might be as follows:  Blue Man Grill is the best restaurant in town because of its food, atmosphere, and friendly staff.  Note that for this thesis statement, the opinion is Blue ManGrill is the best restaurant in town and the plan is because of its food, atmosphere, and friendly staff.  Thus, the first body paragraph of this essay would be about Blue Man Grill’s food, the second body paragraph would be about its atmosphere, and the third would be about its friendly staff.  For practice, have your child write thesis statements on the following topics:  winter sports, junk food, and holidays.
3. The lead-in.  The lead-in is composed of 3-5 sentences and should come before the thesis statement and after the opener.  We teach the lead-in after teaching the thesis statement, however, because it flows together and is easier to grasp this way.  As practice, students should read well-written introduction paragraphs and highlight the opener in one color, the lead-in in another color, and the thesis statement in a third color.

Step 2: The three body paragraphs.  The thesis statement sets the plan for the content of each body paragraph.  When writing the body paragraph, students should ask themselves: If the thesis statement is:  Skiing is a great sport because it is fun, social, and athletic, what would each body paragraph be about?  In this case, the first body paragraph would be about why skiing is fun, the second would be about why it is social, and the third would describe why it is an athletic sport.

Each body paragraph should include details, examples, statistics, quotations, and any other specific information.  The old adage “Show, don’t tell” certainly applies here.  It is important that the student describes information in detail, with concrete backup from credible sources, rather than just “telling” about it.  Remember that if any information is taken from other sources, it must be credited as an outside source.

Step 3: The Conclusion Paragraph.  This paragraph can be a tough one for many students to write.  Students must reiterate all of the information from the essay without being redundant, and add more information without really adding more information.   How is this done: The solution for writing the conclusion paragraph is as follows:

1. Restate the thesis statement.  This is where the student should remind the reader of his or her opinion on the topic and restate the three supporting points.  For example, for our Rocking Horse Grill essay, we might start our conclusion paragraph with the following:  “Because of its delicious Mexican cuisine, convivial ambiance, and energetic staff, Rocking Horse Grill is one of the best restaurants in Chicago.”
2. Lead-out.  The next 2-4 sentences should lead the reader to the author’s final, conclusive remark.  The student can reiterate some points about each of the body paragraphs.  These sentences should, of course, contain words that are different from those used in the actual body paragraphs.
3. Concluding Remark.  This remark should be conclusive, strong, and perhaps profound.  It should leave the reader thinking.  For example, a concluding remark for our Rocking Horse Grill essay might be:  “The next time you are in town, do not bother with any other restaurants since Rocking Horse Grill has it all.”

If your child follows the above model when writing, he or she will be well on the way toward a perfect five paragraph essay.   But first, to your child, a few other pointers:

1. Try not to directly state your opinion.  Avoid phrase like:
• “In this essay, I will talk about…”
• “I think that smoking is bad for you because” (rather, simply state “Smoking is bad for you because…”)
• “In conclusion, my essay proves…”
2. Remember to use transition words when transitioning between paragraphs and between points within paragraphs.  For example, at the start of your first body paragraph, you might write, “The first reason why Rocking Horse Grill is the best restaurant in town is because it offers delicious Mexican cuisine.”  Between points within that paragraph, you might write, “Next, the burritos at Rocking Horse are some of the best I have ever had.  They are warm, thick, and are filled with fresh ingredients.  Furthermore, there is a wide variety to choose from.”  The words in italics are some transition words you might use.
3. Perhaps the most important advice you should follow is to always use three steps when writing:  brainstorm, write, and self-check.  Use the following guidelines when doing so:

• Brainstorm.  Use a visual diagram, a word processor, or even a hand-written list to plan your essay.  Make sure you write out your opener, your thesis statement, your three points for your body paragraph, and some details, quotes, statistics, or other specific information that you might include in each body paragraph before writing.  This step sets the stage for the organization and flow of your essay.
• Write.  Use the above-mentioned guidelines for specific information on how to write the essay itself.
• Self -check.  This step is critical; one that many students neglect!  When self-checking your work, do not rely solely on the spell check or grammar check on your word processor.  Many mistakes are missed by using just these tools!  Instead, self-check your work using the following checklist:
• Capitalization:  re-read your essay and make sure that all letters that should be capitalized are, and those that should not be capitalized are not.
• Tense:  re-read your essay and make sure that all tense is consistent.  That means that you should not mix past and present tense together.  Rather, you should choose one of the two and stick with it throughout the essay.
• Organization:  re-read your essay and ask yourself the following questions:  Does my essay have a strong opener?  Is that opener followed by a lead-in, and then by a well-constructed thesis statement?  Have I clearly stated my points in each body paragraph?  Have I restated my thesis statement in my conclusion paragraph and ended my essay with a thought-provoking remark?  If so, then check off this box.
• Punctuation: again, re-read your essay and make sure all of your punctuation is correct.
• Spelling:  re-read the essay and make sure all spelling is correct.

Note that the key theme here is re-read.  You should re-read your essay five times, each time checking for a different element.

Encouraging your child to follow this step-by-step guide to writing a five paragraph essay can help him structure his thoughts on paper in a well-organized, logically flowing fashion. It may take some time, but the more practice, the more progress you will see – so help him get to work!
________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Emily Levy is the Founder and Director of EBL Coaching, which offers one-on-one tutoring and intensive summer programs. For more information, visit www.eblcoaching.com or call 212-249-0147.

You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about having a baby and what is going on with your body during those nine (really ten) months. We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about having a baby. Each Monday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of an expectant parent. Chiming in to give feedback will be an expert (you know someone who does this for a living). Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.

How do choose a good pediatrician?

So so many things on our to do list while expecting! Choosing a pediatrician doesn’t have to be stressful. A great place to begin is looking at the practices that are nearby your home, as the first few months of your little one’s grand arrival will be frequent with trips for check-ups and vaccines. Inquiring whether the practice accepts your insurance, and if they take new patients are the other two questions of importance. As for all the other tangibles, its almost impossible to know if its the right fit for your family until you are part of the practice. How easy is it to get an appointment same day? How long is the wait once I get there? If I have a question, can I speak to a doctor right away, or how long is the wait for a call back? Its helpful to ask other friends or acquaintances that are in the different practices what their experience has been. Know that many many moms change pediatricians to find one more suited for their family as their needs they change. It’s helpful to always ask for your little one’s records after each visit so mom and dad know all the details of junior’s growth and development.
 

Expert: Renee Sullivan

Renee Sullivan, parent coach and Founding Director of Mommybites support groups, works with moms each week to create their own personal parenting plan that is right for them, while making sure that each mom gets the support, resources, and community they need for their parenting journey. Drawing from her experience as an birth coach and educator, she guides moms – new, seasoned and expectant through the never – ending array of decisions that come with having a child. Weekly sessions that are “nurturing, informative, and fun” and her “calm-laid back personality” has made her a “dynamic resource” to the parenting community since 2006. Renee’s positive, warm and enthusiastic personality relaxes and guides new and expectant moms to enjoy the journey and her personal attention to detail allows all parents that work with her to quickly get the resources they need to feel at ease to make informed and educated decisions. Before joining Mommybites, she narrowly escaped the trenches of Corporate America where she was a Senior Project Manager for The New York Times, Morgan Stanley and Pfizer. She lives in New York City and is the mom of one happy kindergartener.

In this week’s LA Times, a headline scrame “42% of American adults will be obese by 2030.” It’s more than enough to make you pause. Our kids, who are currently under our roofs, will be part of this epidemic. A five-year old will be just hitting 21 when almost half of his/her peers will be obese. Wow.

There are a multitude of ways we know we can help our kids eating healthier – cut out junk food, cut down on sweets, exercise and eating at home – are all ways we’ve told our kids they can be healthy. But really, this isn’t enough. So many of the marketed “healthier foods” have unhealthy parts to them like low sugar items, for example. And many, many more have dangerous chemicals in them that have many known side effects and shouldn’t be in our foods but are due to political lobbying and lack of regulation.

But let’s bring it back to some easy ways you can take care to teach your children about eating healthy. Here are some of the ways in which I have addresses it with my children:

- Only buy organic if possible. If organic isn’t available, then I look to kosher foods since they have higher standards for being classified as such than regular food.

- Portion control. A portion size is the size of the palm of your hand. That goes for your children too. Their portions are not that same as our portions.

- Talk about sometimes foods and healthy, body-energizing foods. It helps a lot to talk to your kids about why you eat meat (it’s protein) and veggies (for the vitamins). Talk about what these do for your body and how you can’t just take a pill to replicate it (think of daily vitamins).

- Only buy what you want your family to eat and let them choose snacks. I don’t bring or buy snacks that are junk food into my house. They don’t see me eating it and when they see others eating it they know it’s not good for them so they don’t long for it.

- My friends get to eat it, why do I? My favorite parent philosophy is “different parents, different rules.” It is a good lesson for them to learn that everyone isn’t the same and that no one person can make the best decisions for another. It is important for children to think through what they are asking for and understand themselves why it isn’t a good idea to partake in the activity/eat the food/etc.

- Teach them, the closer it is to what it looks like coming from the Earth, the better it is for your body. This is quite easy for them to get: apples look like apples from the trees, oats look like oats when harvested, water looks like water, raw honey looks like a honeycomb, etc.

- Shop the outside of the grocery store. This is where the freshest items come from and most definitely it should make up the majority of your grocery cart/bill each week. If you must get some items from the middle of the store, look for items with five or less ingredients and with ingredient names you can read.

- Sign up for a local CSA to get your fruits and veggies local and fresh. It also means getting new veggies/fruits to experiment with in the kitchen.

I am also constantly learning. Here are some great tips for baking healthier with alternative ingredients from Emily Rose, author of Have Your Cake:

- Butter is high in saturated fats. As an alternative Emily uses rice bran oil, which is a lot lower in saturated fats and free of trans fat.

- As a replacement for refined sugar, which plays a role in obesity and tooth decay, Emily uses raw honey, a natural sweetener. Her recipes require considerably less amounts of honey to achieve the same sweetness as refined sugar. In addition, raw honey is an unprocessed source of beneficial nutrients.

- Using whole-wheat flour instead of white flour provides a higher concentration of fiber and the same great flavor and texture as what you would get with white flour.

Constantly be on the lookout for more great cooking tips and tricks that cut down on the processed, chemically-treated foods you can find in many home pantries and cabinets.

Green Parenting is published every Friday.
Email questions and ideas to elise@mommybites.com.

One of my favorite parenting experts is Dr. Harvey Karp, the beloved author of the Happiest Baby/Toddler on the Block. He saved me when my son had colic and kept me sane when my other son went through the “terrible twos.” When I was knee deep in the infant/toddler stages, I would have taken meeting him way over a dinner date with Brad Pitt (ok, maybe).

You can imagine my delight when I found out Dr. Karp is one of the keynote speakers at the annual New York Baby Show happening on May 19th and 20th ! And it gets better. You can bring the whole family to this mega event (preggers, infants, toddlers, the works!) because not only will there be a ton of great vendors and experts, there will also be lots of fun activities for kiddies; not to mention a Dream Nursery Giveaway for all of you expectant moms!

Did I mention my favorite kids/ event of the day? A Huggies Diaper Derby! Plus, the first 100 Mommybites moms to sign up (don’t wait too long) go for FREE by using the code: mommybites. Everyone else only $20/family, $10 person. Enjoy! 

Cheers,

Heather

I’m a grandmother who works with several young moms. I am just amazed when I listen to them talk about “helping” their kids with their daily homework and projects. I say “helping” because what they describe is flat out doing their kids’ assignments. I think that what they should be doing instead is to help their kids set timelines and discuss resources they can use. They say their children, even young ones, get so much homework, most of it useless busy work, that there’s not much learning from it anyway. These young parents say there is a lot of pressure and frustration around these vast amounts of homework and that is why they end up helping their kids with it.

When I’ve said to these parents that maybe they could talk to the teachers about the homework, they said they don’t want to get on the wrong side of the teachers and get labeled a “problem parent.” I worry that these kids are not learning to take responsibility for their actions or decisions. We all read your column, so I said I would write you. Can you offer some perspective and guidelines on this? That is, the parents who say their kids aren’t learning from their homework anyway, so it doesn’t matter if they help them vs. those who see value in homework and feel the kids should be doing their own homework, no matter what.

It’s easy to see why you and your co-workers find your discussions about homework heated and emotional. Strong opinions abound, and although there is research, as discussed below, much of the research is inconclusive, so controversy is inevitable.

For example, according to Alfie Kohn, education, parenting and human behavior researcher and author, both points of view you’ve identified have some merit. For example, in his book The Homework Myth: Why Our Kids Get Too Much of a Bad Thing, his research led him to conclude: “…there is absolutely no evidence of any academic benefit from assigning homework in elementary or middle school. For younger students, in fact, there isn’t even a correlation between whether children do homework (or how much they do) and any meaningful measure of achievement. At the high school level, the correlation is weak and tends to disappear when more sophisticated statistical measures are applied. Meanwhile, no study has ever substantiated the belief that homework builds character or teaches good study habits.”

The Center for Public Education, an initiative of the National School Boards Association, has also done extensive research on homework, and agrees the evidence does not support that homework results in higher academic achievement across-the-board for all groups. However, their research suggests that “Certain nonacademic benefits of homework have been shown, especially for younger students. Indeed, some primary-level teachers may assign homework for such benefits, which include learning the importance of responsibility, managing time, developing study habits, and staying with a task until it is completed.”

But these supposed nonacademic benefits of homework are challenged: “There has been no research done on whether homework teaches responsibility, self-discipline, or motivation. That’s just a value judgment. The counter argument can just as easily be made that homework teaches kids to cheat, do the least amount of work, or to get by.” (The End of Homework: How Homework Disrupts Families, Overburdens Children, and Limits Learning, by Etta Kralovec and John Buell.)

However, one area of strong agreement among parents, educators and students is that homework can be a serious family irritant. A survey done by Public Agenda, a nonprofit, nonpartisan research group, found that 50 percent of parents surveyed said they have had a serious argument with their children over homework; thirty-four percent said it became a source of struggle and stress for them and their children. Others share emotional anecdotes where parent-child relationships have been seriously / permanently damaged by tensions and arguments over homework.

In light of research that questions the value of homework, especially for younger children, some educators have made important changes in homework policies. For example, one private school in Manhattan has implemented a no-homework policy before fifth grade. Many of this school’s parents, even when familiar with the research on homework, are uncomfortable with this policy, fearing their children are being academically short changed. It’s hard to give up the time-honored adage that more homework equals higher achievement, even when the latest research refutes this.

Perhaps most convincing is the fact that “Many of the countries with the highest scoring students on achievement tests, such as Japan, Denmark, and the Czech Republic, have teachers who assign little homework. It seems that the more homework a nation’s teachers assign, the worse that nation’s students do on the achievement tests” (http://www.sup.org/book.cgi?id=7192).

Regarding how much homework should be assigned, The Center for Public Education and other groups currently recommend no homework in elementary school, about one hour per night in middle school, and between 1.5 and 2.5 hours a night in high school. In light of these research-based guidelines, it is understandable that many parents are angry and frustrated when their young children are forced to do an hour or more of homework each night. In fact, many parents admit they are frustrated to the point of often doing their children’s homework for them.

Many educators and parents who want homework policies reevaluated in light of recent research are working together to set up task forces. Your co-workers with school-age children might talk about the feasibility of volunteering to set up and/or serve on such a task force. Many Parent Teacher Associations (PTAs) across the nation are initiating this kind of dialogue by showing the film Race to Nowhere, described as a “film and call to mobilize families, educators and policy makers to challenge current assumptions on how to best prepare the youth of America to become healthy, bright, contributing and leading citizens.” The follow-up discussions will no doubt include the topic of homework.

Ask Dr. Gramma Karen is published every Thursday.
E-mail queries to Karen@mommybites.com

As we enter into the month of May, I can’t help but think about how lucky I am to be a mom! To me, the month of May signifies warmth, beauty, and best of all, Mother’s Day! It is the perfect time of year for all mothers to take inventory of their life and realize how lucky that they are. The relationship that a woman has with her mom molds her into becoming the mother that she is today.

Here are the top ten reasons that I LOVE being a MOM!

1. Going through agonizing labor for hours and bringing a baby into the world is an experience that no one can comprehend until they have done it! The feeling of being solely responsible for bringing another life into the world is the most important event in a woman’s life.

2. Realizing that your hug is the reason that your child’s fears and tears get wiped away instantly, truly makes you realize how important the love for your child really is.

3. Waking up each day and getting that morning snuggle is the absolute best feeling in the world! I never want that special time to go away!

4. Being a positive role model for your child is so important. Our kids want to be just like us! That is the greatest compliment in the world!

5. It is the little things… like when you see yourself through your child’s eyes. I can’t count the number of times my husband turns to me when he’s with my daughter and says…”She’s you”!

6. Having the power to inspire your children to become confident, thoughtful, brave, and caring individuals is the most important job in the world!

7. No matter what is going on in your life with family, friends, or work, you can come home to your children and know that you always have each other. It is an unconditional bond that you can count on.

8. Watching your children’s accomplishments both big and small gives you such pride! Their first words, first steps onto the school bus, learning how to read, first sleepover, scoring a basket for their team, or dancing in their dance recital, I am constantly astonished at how quickly they grow up before my eyes. It all happens so quickly. Make sure to cherish each special moment!

9. Being a mom is not always easy, but it is the one job which you know that you can NEVER quit. Even when you hit some bumps along the way, you know that your children are counting on you. That is what keeps you going!

10. A mommy is a mommy FOREVER! Even when you become a mom yourself, you will always turn to your mom when you need her and know she is ALWAYS there no matter what!

I am so incredibly lucky to be the mom to 3 of the most amazing children in the world! I am forever grateful for the love, support, and guidance that my mother has given to me. It has made me the mother that I am today! Happy Mother’s Day Moms!

Stefanie Weiss
ASK STEFANIE
Mental Health Consultant
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