{"id":14818,"date":"2012-10-01T09:00:37","date_gmt":"2012-10-01T14:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/?p=14818"},"modified":"2012-09-29T18:11:44","modified_gmt":"2012-09-29T23:11:44","slug":"how-to-handle-your-toddlers-tantrums","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/how-to-handle-your-toddlers-tantrums\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Handle Your Toddler&#8217;s Tantrums"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-14827\" style=\"border: 2px solid black; margin: 5px;\" title=\"istock- girlltemptantrum\" src=\"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2012\/10\/istock-girlltemptantrum-375x248.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"225\" height=\"149\" \/>Toddler tantrums are stressful enough without the added pressure of dealing with loud, dramatic meltdowns on the crowded streets of New York! Luckily, Dr. Sarah Klagsbrun offered Mommybites some wonderful tips on how to deal with Toddler Tantrums in her <a href=\"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/videos\/child-psychiatrist-walks-you-through-how-to-handle-toddler-tantrums\/\">amazing video<\/a>. Here are some highlights from that video.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>That is a tantrum?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>A tantrum is an explosion of feelings, but is also a communication by your child.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Children typically express their feelings through behavior<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Toddlers don\u2019t say, \u201cI\u2019m really upset that my cracker broke in two before I bit into it and I like my cracker whole because that is the way I am used to seeing it and I feel like my world has been turned upside down because my cracker broke in two\u201d &#8211; they just have a tantrum<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Keep in mind that a child\u2019s perspective is different from an adult\u2019s<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>To an adult, a broken cracker is no big deal; or jelly coming out of the inside of a sandwich; or fingers getting sticky, but to many toddlers these are huge crises. So while the tantrum makes no sense in your reality, it makes perfect sense from your toddler\u2019s perspective<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>When children have tantrums they are not having a tantrum\u2026<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>to drive their parents crazy (parents may feel this way as a result, but it is not the intent of the child!)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>to humiliate their parents in public<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>to make parents feel like lousy parents or<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>because something is wrong with them<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>Reasons why toddlers have tantrums<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>A toddler is tired<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>A toddler is hungry<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>A toddler is looking for attention<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>A toddler feels powerless<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>A toddler is testing the limits<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>A toddler does not feel understood<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Looking for an excuse to cry<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>When your child has a tantrum you should\u2026<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Accept how your child feels<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Figure out why your child is so upset<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Remember that your goal is NOT to get your child to stop having the tantrum<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Not give in to your child because they are having a tantrum<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>Helpful Responses<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Put your child\u2019s feelings into words. \u201cYou are so mad that mommy said we have to leave the playground now.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Say out loud to child, \u201cIt\u2019s okay to be mad, sad, frustrated\u2026\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Interpret child\u2019s feelings behind her behavior<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Let child have his feelings &amp; let child express her feelings (as long as not physically dangerous)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Make sure child feels understood (even if setting a limit and saying no). \u201cI understand that you are so mad at mommy because mommy said no ice cream before dinner and you really want ice cream right now.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>How\u00a0 NOT to respond<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Tell child to stop crying<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Punish or threaten child<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Withdraw love or attention<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Distract to get child to stop expressing his emotion<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Bribe with food or sweets<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Tease or shame child<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Deny or minimize a child\u2019s pain<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Praise child for not crying<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Get child to talk instead of cry and express emotions<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Get child to laugh and be happy instead of allowing to be sad<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>Real Life Example<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Asking your child to stop doing something fun like leaving a playground or play date can cause a tantrum. So always prepare your child ahead of time for something potentially upsetting to him. Let\u2019s say you have told your child it\u2019s time to leave the playground and she doesn&#8217;t want to. Acknowledge her feelings by saying, \u201cI know you really don\u2019t want to leave. I know it\u2019s hard. I know you want to do more swinging (you can try to distract with fantasy of doing activity they have to stop). &#8220;Would you like to come back again?\u201d or \u201cIt\u2019s okay to be upset. It\u2019s okay to cry. I understand.\u201d And then just let your child be upset. Remember there is a beginning, middle and end to a tantrum if you allow the feelings to be released.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not helpful to minimize a child\u2019s feelings by saying, \u201cWe\u2019ll be back tomorrow. If you don\u2019t stop crying I won\u2019t bring you back here tomorrow.\u201d You could say, \u201cWould you like to come back tomorrow? I know it\u2019s not the same as playing more now. What would you like to do first tomorrow?\u201d and recognize that your child is likely exhausted, overtired and letting you know that &#8211; so recognize that fact and get your child home, fed dinner and in bath and bed.<\/p>\n<p><em>Sarah Klagsbrun, MD is a Child Psychiatrist, Medical Doctor, and mother of three who runs her <a href=\"http:\/\/www.parentingwithdrk.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Parenting With Dr K<\/a> seminars out of her office in Manhattan on the Upper East Side. She specializes in helping parents better understand their children in order to have the best relationship they possibly can with them. <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"(212) 996-4300\">(212) 996-4300<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.parentingwithDrK.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">www.parentingwithDrK.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Toddler tantrums are stressful enough without the added pressure of dealing with loud, dramatic meltdowns on the crowded streets of New York! Luckily, Dr. Sarah Klagsbrun offered Mommybites some wonderful tips on how to deal with Toddler Tantrums in her amazing video. Here are some highlights from that video. That is a tantrum? A tantrum [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":14827,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"schneps_byline":"","schneps_post_style":"","schneps_post_source":"","schneps_syndicated_read_more":"","schneps_post_source_sitename":"","schneps_post_source_shortname":"","schneps_post_source_url":"","schneps_post_source_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[51,60,45,66,17],"tags":[49,50,76],"class_list":["post-14818","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dads","category-grandparents","category-moms","category-nanny","category-toddler","tag-development","tag-relationships","tag-support"],"acf":[],"parsely":{"version":"1.1.0","canonical_url":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/how-to-handle-your-toddlers-tantrums\/","smart_links":{"inbound":0,"outbound":0},"traffic_boost_suggestions_count":0,"meta":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"How to Handle Your Toddler&#8217;s Tantrums","url":"http:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/how-to-handle-your-toddlers-tantrums\/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/how-to-handle-your-toddlers-tantrums\/"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2012\/10\/istock-girlltemptantrum.jpg?w=150&h=150&crop=1","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2012\/10\/istock-girlltemptantrum.jpg"},"articleSection":"Dads","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Heather Ouida"}],"creator":["Heather Ouida"],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Mommybites New York","logo":""},"keywords":["development","relationships","support"],"dateCreated":"2012-10-01T14:00:37Z","datePublished":"2012-10-01T14:00:37Z","dateModified":"2012-10-01T14:00:37Z"},"rendered":"<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"wp-parsely-metadata\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@type\":\"NewsArticle\",\"headline\":\"How to Handle Your Toddler&#8217;s Tantrums\",\"url\":\"http:\\\/\\\/mommybites.com\\\/newyork\\\/how-to-handle-your-toddlers-tantrums\\\/\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\\\/\\\/mommybites.com\\\/newyork\\\/how-to-handle-your-toddlers-tantrums\\\/\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/mommybites.com\\\/newyork\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/2\\\/2012\\\/10\\\/istock-girlltemptantrum.jpg?w=150&h=150&crop=1\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/mommybites.com\\\/newyork\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/2\\\/2012\\\/10\\\/istock-girlltemptantrum.jpg\"},\"articleSection\":\"Dads\",\"author\":[{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"name\":\"Heather Ouida\"}],\"creator\":[\"Heather Ouida\"],\"publisher\":{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"name\":\"Mommybites New York\",\"logo\":\"\"},\"keywords\":[\"development\",\"relationships\",\"support\"],\"dateCreated\":\"2012-10-01T14:00:37Z\",\"datePublished\":\"2012-10-01T14:00:37Z\",\"dateModified\":\"2012-10-01T14:00:37Z\"}<\/script>","tracker_url":"https:\/\/cdn.parsely.com\/keys\/mommybites.com\/p.js"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2012\/10\/istock-girlltemptantrum.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14818"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14818"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14818\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14827"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14818"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14818"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14818"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}