{"id":15495,"date":"2012-11-06T08:00:05","date_gmt":"2012-11-06T13:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/?p=15495"},"modified":"2012-10-31T06:02:12","modified_gmt":"2012-10-31T11:02:12","slug":"does-money-buy-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/does-money-buy-happiness\/","title":{"rendered":"Does Money Buy Happiness?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"I heard the old saying, \u201cMoney can’t buy happiness\u201d the other day and it reminded me of a very interesting Blog Talk Radio show that we hosted a while back on \u201cAdvantaged Children.” Our guests were Dr. Karen Rancourt (from ask our Ask Dr. Gramma Karen<\/a><\/em> column) and Dr. Christine Fernandez. Here is an overview of this very interesting – and at times shocking – show.<\/p>\n

\u00a01) Why the focus on parents of advantaged children?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Karen: You would think that in homes with financial comfort, this would accelerate the path to happiness and well-being. Counter intuitively, these kids are less happy, less resilient, and less capable of bouncing back from life\u2019s disappointments.<\/p>\n

2) What would you say to parents about these findings?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Christine: Very important to take into account at a young age. Building your relationship with your child starts right away. When kids are young, you are their idols. What parents teach and model to their kids when they are younger really sticks.<\/p>\n

3) Fact: “In spite of their economic and social advantages, \u2018children of affluence\u2019 experience among the highest rates of depression, substance abuse, anxiety disorders, somatic complaints, and unhappiness of any group of children in this country.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Karen: The first time you process this, it is absolutely shocking. Many affluent, happy parents only want happiness for their children. When we press that, what they are really saying is, \u201cI don\u2019t want my child to have to deal with disappointments and things not going right.\u201d<\/em> So happiness in many families becomes a protection from life\u2019s problems. So in some respects, we deprive our kids of falling flat on their faces and are too ready to pick them up instead of letting them pick themselves up.<\/p>\n

4) What do you mean by \u2018advantaged children\u2019?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Karen: People who fall into the upper 5% economically are considered advantaged. People who fall into the upper 1% economically are considered wealthy. ‘Advantaged’ also means having opportunities that other children don\u2019t have.<\/p>\n

5) Can you address the global over-praising that desensitizes our children?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Karen: We do our kids a disservice when we are always saying \u2018good job.\u2019 It comes from a good place, but we make it hard to make a distinction between mediocrity and excellence. It\u2019s OK to tell your child that he\/she needs more practice in a certain skill. We need to acknowledge the effort but not the quality of the work.<\/p>\n

6) Fact: \u201cBecause money and material objects are plentiful in comfortable homes, they often become the default motivator when parents want to change their children\u2019s behavior.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Christine: It takes a lot more emotional effort to sit down with your child and talk about the problem. It\u2019s MUCH easier to buy something, but it\u2019s not good to do.<\/p>\n

7) Fact:\u00a0 \u201cMany children from affluent homes have not had enough opportunity to work on their self-management skills because parents are quick to limit their child\u2019s frustration and distress.\u201d (Self-management skills = set of skills that allow children to regulate their internal states as well as their relationships with others.)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Karen: We can teach them to control their impulsivity by actually saying \u2018no\u2019 to things. Parents also need to constantly weave into their vocabulary the following words: budget, sharing, saving, and earning<\/strong>. They can say, \u201cEven though money is not an issue for us, we did not budget for that\u201d (whatever that may be). You can also introduce your financial planner to your children. You can tell them that this person helps make decisions about budgeting.<\/p>\n

10) How do we raise children to be happy and confident and not spoiled?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Christine: Teaching kids coping skills is one way to teach them to be happy in life. If we can guide them on how to handle disappointment, that will help them later in life. We also need to teach kids self-control and self-soothing. Most importantly, we need to model the values we want them to have.<\/p>\n

11) You\u2019re a parent in a toy store and your kid starts with \u201cBut I WANT it!\u201d What should you do?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Karen: First of all, before you even go into the store you need to set ground rules. That can save everyone a lot of aggravation. Kids need boundaries. Kids LIKE boundaries. If we can help reign in their impulses, it helps in this type of situation. Vocabulary should include the difference between \u2018wants\u2019 and \u2018needs’.<\/p>\n

12) A lot of parents are finding themselves in a different economic position than they were a few years ago (due to the bad economy). How do we tell our kids?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Christine: I believe in honesty when dealing with kids. If you can\u2019t afford something, you basically have to tell them. As kids get older (5+), you can tell them that things have changed a little bit and we may have to cut back on after school activities, or vacations, etc. Explain to them that the family will be fine, but things will just have to change a bit.<\/p>\n

14) How can our listeners get in touch with you?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Christine: www.drchristinefernandez.com <\/a>and people can call me to schedule an appointment.<\/p>\n

Karen: www.rancourtparenting.com<\/a> and I invite people to please visit the site.<\/p>\n

To learn more, check out the rest of the highlights and listen to the show<\/a>!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I heard the old saying, \u201cMoney can’t buy happiness\u201d the other day and it reminded me of a very interesting Blog Talk Radio show that we hosted a while back on \u201cAdvantaged Children.” Our guests were Dr. Karen Rancourt (from ask our Ask Dr. Gramma Karen column) and Dr. Christine Fernandez. Here is an overview […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":15496,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"schneps_byline":"","schneps_post_style":"","schneps_post_source":"","schneps_syndicated_read_more":"","schneps_post_source_sitename":"","schneps_post_source_shortname":"","schneps_post_source_url":"","schneps_post_source_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[41,51,45,42],"tags":[49,44,62,76],"class_list":["post-15495","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-big-kid","category-dads","category-moms","category-preschool","tag-development","tag-education","tag-money","tag-support"],"acf":[],"parsely":{"version":"1.1.0","canonical_url":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/does-money-buy-happiness\/","smart_links":{"inbound":0,"outbound":0},"traffic_boost_suggestions_count":0,"meta":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"Does Money Buy Happiness?","url":"http:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/does-money-buy-happiness\/","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/does-money-buy-happiness\/"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2012\/10\/iStock_kid-money-jar.jpg?w=150&h=150&crop=1","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https:\/\/mommybites.com\/newyork\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2012\/10\/iStock_kid-money-jar.jpg"},"articleSection":"Big Kid","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Heather Ouida"}],"creator":["Heather Ouida"],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Mommybites New York","logo":""},"keywords":["development","education","money","support"],"dateCreated":"2012-11-06T13:00:05Z","datePublished":"2012-11-06T13:00:05Z","dateModified":"2012-11-06T13:00:05Z"},"rendered":"