The Reality of Natural Childbirth: What I Wish I Knew Before Giving Birth Three Times
By Danielle Ramos
When I gave birth to my children, I chose natural childbirth all three times. With my first child, I had no idea how painful it would be. I remember it being so bad at one point that I thought the birth had to be imminent after 12 hours of labor, only to find out I was just three centimeters dilated!
Whenever I hear other moms who had natural childbirth discuss their experience, it often echoes my thoughts way back in my first labor experience: I might not make it through because the pain became so heightened.
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Many describe labor as excruciating, with some wondering how they’ll manage when the pain intensifies, asking themselves, “How do women do this?” Yet, for many of us, a second wind kicks in, and we find ourselves thinking, “If women have been doing this for thousands of years, then we can too” — even if the question of whether we have to is a different matter entirely.
I’ll admit, I felt the same way. I’ve never been one to shy away from pain, and I thought if other women could do it, so could I. I wanted to stay fully present, without feeling drowsy or out of it from medication.
As Labor Kicked In, I Explored Possibilities
But when the pain hit and there was still no sign of being anywhere near ready to push, I found myself seriously considering an epidural and even spoke with the anesthesiologist.
It turned out that an epidural was essentially off the table for me, thanks to my tendency to get headaches. The anesthesiologist reviewed my history and explained that an epidural could trigger more headaches—or even a long-lasting one—after the birth. The last thing I wanted was to be dealing with more or worse migraines, so I decided to stick with my original plan.
My daughter was eventually born after 18 hours of labor, completely pain-medication-free. By the time I was pregnant with my second and third children, I knew I wanted to experience natural childbirth again. Despite the pain, it was a beautiful, unforgettable experience. I felt amazing right after giving birth—able to walk, alert, and without needing any pain relief throughout the entire process.
But I also remember arriving at the hospital for my second and third labors, fully aware of what was coming. On one hand, it was reassuring to know exactly what to expect, but on the other, it made it so much harder. At least the labor time did shorten with each pregnancy: My second daughter came after five hours, and my son was born in just over three hours of active labor.
Epidurals Look Wonderful
Now that I’m finished having children, I sometimes wonder: If I had one more, would I go for natural childbirth again? I’ve heard so many glowing stories about labor with an epidural. I watch shows like A Baby Story and see mothers chatting and joking during active labor—even while pushing—and I’m honestly amazed.
By the time I hit transition, I couldn’t say a word. I was grunting, screaming, and hanging onto my midwife’s words like they were a lifeline. I’ve also heard from other moms who said that despite being prone to headaches, the epidural didn’t make things worse, so maybe I could have had one after all.
In the end, like so much in pregnancy and in parenting, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. You do your research, trust your doctor or midwife, and do your best. Make a plan, but be ready to change it when the moment calls for it.
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