Author Archives: Dr. Karen Rancourt

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Ask Dr. Gramma Karen: Everything Begins With a Story

Everything begins with a story . . . stories can help show the way – the way to transformation of consciousness – thinking in one way and now thinking in another way. Stories are psychological therapy . . . seeking harmony and balance through stories . . . Everything begins with a story. (Joseph Campbell, The First Storytellers) Dear Readers, In this column I deviate from my usual format to talk about - as you may have surmised from the Joseph Campbell quotation - stories. My back... read more

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Ask Dr. Gramma Karen: Son-in-Law Threatens to Keep Grandchildren from Mother-in-Law

I am very upset. My daughter, Nancy, and her husband, Frank, have three kids under the age of ten. We live near each other so my husband and I see our grandchildren quite often. Frank is arrogant. For example, he has his Ph.D. and he makes sure you never forget it. He is quick to anger and there’s tension in the air when he’s around: Nancy and the kids tiptoe around him, lest they set him off. I’ve seen him blow up at the neighbors as well as at other parents at the kids’ games. This... read more

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Ask Dr. Gramma Karen: Mother Not Wanted at Memorial Service

My sister Nora recently died unexpectedly from a heart attack. Nora’s son Ted was married to Carla; they are the parents of 10-year-old twins, Eddie and Mac, who were very close to Nora and are heartsick over the loss of their grandmother (their paternal grandfather died long before they were born). Nora confided in me more than once that she never really liked Carla and wasn’t surprised to learn that Carla had been cheating on Ted from the beginning of their marriage. In fact, Nora was... read more

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The Squabbling Grandparents

My husband Rick and I are the parents of twelve-month-old Martin. The problem you can help us with is my in-laws, Gracie and Hal. Apart they are the nicest, most pleasant people you’d ever want to meet. However, when they are together they constantly bicker with each other over the stupidest stuff. Gracie says the fish is grilled perfectly and Hal says it’s dry; this is followed by an unpleasant exchange. Hal says they need a new car and Gracie says there’s nothing wrong with the one... read more

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Request to Grandparents: Get Your Affairs in Order

Dear Readers, Young parents and grandparents alike have asked me about various issues related to wills, living wills, long-term healthcare and arrangements for death. For example, one grandmother says, “For the life of me I cannot get my husband to talk about his wishes regarding his death and remains. Even though we’re only in our early 70s, I think we need to talk about it.” A young parent writes about her mother-in-law’s serious stroke, “The good thing is that she has a medical... read more

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Readers Respond to Guilt-Ridden Grandfather

Many readers responded to my column “Grandfather Is Guilt-Ridden about Grandson’s Accident” with an outpouring of empathy, encouragement and sharing of their own experiences. The responses seemed to reflect three major themes, with the first theme along the lines of the phrase made famous in 1510 by John Bradford, who served Henry VIII of England, as he watched some prisoners being lead away to be executed: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” Parents and grandparents alike... read more

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Grandparents Worry That Wealth Will Spoil Their Grandchildren

My husband and I will soon be first-time grandparents when our daughter delivers twins. We are over-the-moon happy, but we do have a major worry. Both our daughter and her husband are successful bankers and make a lot of money. They have a full-time staff of a driver, a housekeeper and they each have a personal assistant. They plan on hiring two nannies, one for each baby. We feel the way our daughter and son-in-law live is excessive and just not normal. We get so embarrassed when they... read more

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Grandfather Is Guilt-Ridden About Grandson’s Accident

I am the grandfather of a 16-month-old boy, Donald. For financial reasons Donald and his parents live with my wife and me; they have lived with us since before Donald was born. Last week while I was keeping an eye on him, he pulled my steaming bowl of soup onto himself. My wife and I rushed him to the hospital where he was treated for serious burns. He was in the intensive care/burn unit at a local pediatric hospital for several days before he was discharged. Arrangements were made by... read more

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