The Daddy Balancing Act

By Susan Izatt, an infant and early childhood development specialist and the Co-founder and Director of MoonSoup Early Childhood Center and Preschool Alternative in NYC.

Couples used to flee to the suburbs faster, deciding almost the moment they got pregnant. Now more families put off, or skip leaving the city altogether. Instead of dad spending hours of precious family time commuting on a train, more families choose to make do in a smaller apartment asking, “Do we really need a dining room?” Instead it’s turned into the baby’s room.

Here are two easy ways dads can get involved in their baby and toddler’s regular routine without disrupting the “normal” schedule.

Daily Routines: Adapting For Dads

Baby and toddler’s early bedtimes are especially hard on dads (and moms) with a 9-5, (or more likely 9-7) work schedule. Many cheat the perfect baby or toddler bed-time to get dad some quality time with the baby. Though not a perfect answer, they have a point: How do you weigh the value of the sleep schedule against a strong bond with dad? This is a tough one, and it can cause friction between new parents. Daddy gets home at 7:00, excited to see the baby, and that kick-starts an all night play-party for baby, and that can mean bye-bye to a good nights’ sleep for everyone.

One compromise is just bringing it all down a notch; dad can try being more mellow and quiet, and maybe let dad take care of the evening routine, the soothing story books or rocking before bed. Dad gets quality time, but a mellower style might avoid setting off a baby all-nighter. Or, if your child’s sleep and dad’s work routine allows, consider dedicating early morning breakfast and play as daddy time.

Weekly Routines: Simple Is Good

One dad I know makes pancakes with his two year old every Saturday. It’s a day he knows he can do consistently, and a routine that is easy to fit in. His two year old loves helping with stirring and mixing: it’s a bit messy occasionally, but they enjoy clean up and eating together.

And it’s their special time. That’s what counts to kids. Any simple routine can be made into a special time. Laundry folding can be special to a Toddler who gets to help daddy every Saturday. Check out the list of daddy & me activities listed below, but remember it’s the regular dedicated time together that means the most to your kids.

Susan Izatt is an infant and early childhood development specialist, and has been the Director for several Early Childhood Programs in New York City. She is also the Co-founder and Director of MoonSoup Early Childhood Center and Preschool Alternative in NYC. She is currently working on a book New Moms & First Time Dads: Babies, Kids & New Parents. www.moonsoup.net, moonsoup@earthlink.net