As a mom, I often have the overwhelming feeling of my heart breaking – not as a result of sadness, but the intensity of sheer joy that permeates every fiber of my being. These moments hit us all at the oddest times, don’t they? While cleaning our homes or driving to the market, sometimes early morning in the shower before the rush of the day begins. Sometimes just walking along the city streets – giving in to all your senses, looking at the people who pass you by, and appreciating the world we all inhabit together. Even the smell of the delicious foods that waft in and out of your nose through the passing of a breeze in the air. It’s these moments that catch us off guard- and for a reason I now know: to wake us up and keep us alive and compassionate in the joy that is being a mom! It is with this celebration that I want to acknowledge the sometimes unrecognized, powerful, sacred masculine energy that is found in our children…FATHERS.
We spent this past Father’s Day weekend on Long Island, which felt like it couldn’t possibly be near New York! The sand, the water… being city dwellers, we oftentimes forget the wonderful mix of asphalt so close to shore; but driving over the bridge and looking over at all of New York just made me feel a tinge of that joy. Being invited out, especially to the beach or anywhere for that matter (for example, to a restaurant with a toddler) I suddenly become ill with dread and fear. Will Logan behave? How can I run in high heels if he bolts out of the restaurant? What if he starts to scream on the F-train while we’re riding to the city? What then?
Well, Dad was insistent that we bring him and just tag team and “let go and let the universe help us along the way,” so I prepared – early nap, lots of food, treats, diapers and toys. The ride in the car was fun, we sang songs and let Logan pick the music. This meant listening to “Steal Away” by Robbie Dupree 10 times! Yes, Logan walked the entire beach and introduced himself to everyone and even made one man get up and dance. And Dad allowed me to lay on the beach and enjoy my time without having to do “mommy” duty, which is almost always in the “on” mode switch.
It was a treat to see the two of them play together. I did have a minor meltdown when we left the beach and Logan bolted into the parking lot, but Dad allowed me to have my moment of freaking out and I went back to finding that joy. While eating dinner, our good friend uploaded the pics he took of all of us from the day and it was this moment captured that simply made my heart break. All the planning, the packing, the worrying, the stress of being a “mom” simply melted away looking at the embrace of father and son. I have no words to describe how special it makes me feel and a sense of joy that I helped to create this in my own little way.
Lisa St. Hill is an accomplished artist and instructor in fashion, dance and yoga with training from the Fashion Institute of Technology of NYC. A proud mother of two sons, one 22 and one 2 years old, she created the fashionable postpartum corset called My Goddess Wrap, which is featured in Connecticut ‘s largest lifestyle magazine, Serendipity.
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