How to Set Healthy Boundaries with Family Members After Your Newborn Arrives

TikTok users comment on what they think about rules for newborns.

Setting boundaries with anyone can be hard, especially when it comes to family. When you have your first child, it’s natural that family members will want to help. They will ask to hold the baby, play with the baby, and if you need help with anything else.

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Most people are good at respecting the wishes of parents when it comes to parenting. However, some people believe they are exempt from the rules or that some are too harsh. That was the case with Tiktoker, Devon Stephen.

In the viral video that now has over ten million views, Stephen can be heard telling her grandmother not to kiss her baby. The grandmother kindly asked, and after Stephen politely said no, she reiterated her boundary that she would remove the baby should she get any closer.

“This is some very serious rules,” she can be heard saying as she recorded her parents. “If your face gets closer than what it is right now, I have to remove her. I’m sorry.”

Stephen’s parents laughed at the boundary but respected it. However, the comment section had mixed reactions, with some saying Stephen was overreacting.

“Yikes. Give the baby back and run,” commented one user. “I wouldn’t dare have kept my mom from kissing my babies,” commented another.

Stephen’s video led to a bigger question: should you set boundaries when it comes to newborn babies?

According to Summer Health, because of their underdeveloped immune systems, newborns and young infants can get sick quite easily. The common cold and ear infections are two of the most common infections they get. On average, children under 6 years old will have 6 to 8 colds every year.

Gordon Dowel-Potter, Founder of MANtenatal, and his partner decided on specific parameters well before their children arrived. They set certain expectations around visits, hygiene, and bonding time for just the three of them.

“Establishing boundaries was crucial for creating a calm and safe environment for the baby and us as new parents,” he explains. “Having clear agreements in place reduced stress and ensured we had time to adjust to this huge life change as a family.”

Experts say that in the first few months of life, bonding time is crucial.

According to UC Davis Health, the first few days of life are believed to offer an optimum opportunity for bonding to take place. Standard practice in most U.S. hospitals allows mothers and babies as much time as possible together after birth. Even when babies are born ill or premature, the importance of bonding is recognized.

Jennifer Broughton MSW, RCSW notes that parenting can often challenge one’s confidence levels, and setting boundaries allows room for error and to adjust.

“New parents can lack confidence in their new roles,” she explains. “Lack of sleep, lack of confidence, hormone imbalances and all that comes with a new addition to the family can lead to break down in communication, feelings of isolation, and being overwhelmed by day-to-day household tasks. Clear boundaries can support the new family and provide consistency and routine.”

Many parents still struggle with setting boundaries, often influenced by feelings of guilt. However, it’s crucial to stay firm and prioritize what’s best for you and your baby.

“Initially, it was a challenge—setting boundaries can feel like you’re disappointing others, especially family members who are excited to be involved,” says Potter. “We limited visitors during the first few weeks to only close family and friends, made sure everyone washed their hands before holding the baby, and kindly requested that anyone feeling unwell postpone their visit. We also set strict boundaries on having evenings reserved for ourselves as a family to decompress.”

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