You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about a toddlers and what happens when they start toddling (and talking)! We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about children in their second year. Each Wednesday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of a parent with a toddler. Chiming in to give her feedback will be an expert who has been there and done that. Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.
My toddler bites- help!
Expert: Marsha Greenberg
Toddlers bite. In fact lots of toddlers bite. So it is really important to remember that you are not alone. Biting, for the majority of toddlers is a passing behavior. As children develop they learn to manage their impulsive actions but for everyone involved it is a challenging and worrisome time.
Here are some reasons why toddlers bite:
– As verbal as a toddler may be she is learning to express feelings like: you are too close to me, I am excited, Will you play with me, and I don’t want to share my toys. These are more complicated ideas to explain especially if your toddler is in the middle of some big feelings.
– Some toddlers may also be reacting to too much noise, being to close to others, to being over stimulated or over tired, and of course to teething or needing some oral stimulation.
If your toddler is biting try some of these strategies:
– Reflect on what happened right before the bite; was your toddler trying to verbally or non verbally express something to you and try and use this info to anticipate and assist him in similar situations?
– Is there a pattern? Is it the same child, same situation. If so limit a playdate or play experience and stay close to help your toddler manage his feelings. Think of it like crossing a street, you don’t want your toddler to do it alone.
– Try distracting your toddler or handing your toddler something to chew on to help calm down the impulse.
One of the most important things to remember when your toddler has hurt is to stay as calm as possible yourself. Your toddler needs to see that you can help them manage their big feelings by managing your own.
Quickly and firmly (not harshly) tell your toddler “no biting”. And then turn your attention to the child that has been hurt. When you have spoken to the little one that has been hurt turn back to your toddler and let them know that biting hurts. Point out that their friend is sad and is crying and then gently remove them from the situation they are in and help them move on.
Keep it simple and straight forward-try not to overdo the lesson; less explanation is frequently more for a toddler. Try to say” I know you were waiting for a turn-I will help you tell Meg. It is not ok to bite.”
Here are a couple of children’s books that might also help: No Biting by Karen Katz and Teeth are Not for Biting by Elizabeth Verdick.
Marsha Greenberg M.S., M.S. W