By Herb Ouida, Heather’s father-in-law & founder of My Buddy Todd, a non-profit dedicated to helping children with anxiety & depression disorders
I am not sorry but excited for the opportunity to share my experiences in the hope that perhaps one person will find it useful. For me the most difficult time, which carried very meaningful lessons, was the time when I saw my child suffering and I felt powerless to help. Children look to us as parents as if we have all the solutions to any of life’s challenges and we have been raised to think it is true. Not so.
When my youngest child was in the fourth grade he told my wife and me that he could no longer go to school. Quite honestly this came out of blue. My wife always tells the story of how he held onto the table and with the strength of an 8 year old was able to resist her taking him to school. Todd was clearly suffering and as parents we were to undertake a journey which taught us many important lessons.
We worked with the child study team and at their suggestion took Todd to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital to a child psychiatrist who immediately prescribed medication. We tried it for nine months with no success. We then decided to try a psychiatrist who firmly believed that the first answer was to treat a child with the same dignity and respect as one would an adult. He prescribed four visits a week of “talk therapy.” We saw constant progress and after eighteen months Todd returned to school. He was able to graduate with his class due to home schooling and he never looked back. He eventually graduated from the University of Michigan and from their went to work as a foreign currency exchange desk at Cantor Fitzgerald.
So what did we learn ? We learned to be honest and to at an early stage seek help. It is so difficult to be in denial perhaps out of guilt or just plain ignorance. We learned that we should not as a family refer to “Todd’s problem” or just “the problem.” It was unfair to place the situation all on Todd’s shoulders as the truth is it comes from the dynamics of the family situation. We learned that there should be no stigma attached to a child’s anxiety disorder or depression. Family and social pressures make one feel that you are a failure as a parent. Not so simple as there are many factors often beyond our control. We do not have all the answers. We learned as Todd wrote in his essay application to the University of Michigan “that with family love and support one can overcome any challenge.’ We learned there is hope which needs to be buttressed by patient love.
A little about Herb Ouida:
Prior to becoming a full-time grandfather (affectionately known by his 5 grandchildren has “Papa”), Herb had a successful career an attorney and later as an executive at the International Trade Organization. As part of Herb’s dedication to “giving forward” he serves on numerous social service boards. Closest to his heart is his family’s work in establishing a foundation in the name and memory his son Todd whom he lost on September 11. He and his family created the foundation which is dedicated to helping children who suffer, as Todd did as a child, from anxiety disorders and depression. http://www.mybuddytodd.org