Guess who I got to interview for this month’s New York Family Magazine? (Pretend to be thinking long and hard. And now pretend there is a dramatic pause…). OK, I’ll tell you – my mom. As you may recall, she recently wrote a book entitled, Ask Dr. Gramma Karen: Helping Young Parents And Grandparents Deal With Thorny Issues – so I had the honor of interviewing her.
Here is an excerpt from the interview, but I invite you to read the entire interview in this month’s New York Family. I actually already had one mom tell me that reading the article has improved her relationship with her mother-in-law.
So Mom, (can I call you Mom?), why did writing an advice column appeal to you?
Even as a kid I remember how much I enjoyed reading “Dear Abby.” I liked that I could think about what I would advise before reading Abby’s response. Through the years I realized I retained a lot of her advice and have used it in a variety of situations. Her columns were fun and helpful, and I wanted to model my columns similarly. I was further encouraged when I searched around and didn’t find any advice columns focused on the unique relationships between young parents and grandparents.
I know that my friends have always gone to you for advice, but what made you think you’d be any good at advice writing?
From my many years of experience as an educator and corporate consultant I learned that people are more apt to make positive changes and stay with them if they are clear on what the real problems are and if they feel they have some say in the solution. I use these same principles in writing each column. That is, I work with the person to nail down the real problem. For example, a young mom blows up at a grandparent for giving the grandchild an extra dessert, but the conflict is not really about a chocolate chip cookie. It’s about the young mom feeling her dad is disrespectful of her and her parenting rules. I always try to offer some alternatives while pointing out the potential upsides and downsides of each. As we all know, it’s easy to damage familial relationships. Maintaining or enhancing them is where the challenges are, especially when we remember that the children and grandchildren are always observing.
Here’s to thorn-free (or at least less thorny) grandparent relationships.
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