By Carla Hugo, an Integrated Lifestyle Coach and offers Key Coaching for Family Harmony and Wellness
It’s dark. The alarm blares and you’re up and eating breakfast alone. You’re envious of your mate and kids snuggled in bed. Stressed and exhausted before you even start your day at the office, you rush off to work while mentally reviewing your list of things to do.
You roll over. It’s time to shower and round up the kids. Cook breakfasts, prepare lunches. There are dishes to do, beds to make, the dog to walk. With the kids out of the house you make some calls. On hold with the cable company, you make beds and pick up toys. It’s already time to pick up the little one from pre-school! You remember how easy it was to sit at a desk, and actually have time to eat lunch, not to mention using the bathroom without someone calling, “Mommy!!”
It’s little wonder that couples who are physically and emotionally exhausted create a battle ground when all they wanted was a happy family together. The challenge begins to win the battle of “Who’s more exhausted!”
If you can relate to this scenario you’re ready for a solution. There are three simple steps to creating peace in your marriage:
- Appreciate Self
- Listen- Silent
- Appreciate Mate
To appreciate yourself, you need to take our mind off your To-Do’s and focus upon what You Did.
While multi-tasking it is difficult to even recall what you’ve done! Doing two things at once impairs the outcome of both. No matter how successful you are at multi-tasking, you are more efficient when single-tasking.
Stop and appreciate yourself. Be specific, like “Nice job hanging on with the cable company and getting the monthly rate reduced! Woo-hoo!” Pat yourself on the back, smile at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a hug! Appreciating yourself is the first step to creating peace in your marriage.
Step two involves turning toward your mate. Sit and be present with your mate. To be present, have your mind, body and attention on your mate. Turn off your mental list of to do’s. To listen, you must be silent. Notice how both words contain the same letters!
Give your spouse the gift of your silent attention and listen to their story without competing. Give a hug at the end, rather than your list of woes. You will given your mate a tremendous gift and will soon have your turn.
The last step to ending the battle of exhaustion is to appreciate one another. Make a daily practice of appreciating your spouse. This is especially easy after your silent – listening session. Be specific. Verbalize how you are grateful for what they have accomplished.
By appreciating yourself, listening while silent, and appreciating your spouse, you will create peace in your marriage. You and your spouse will shift from competing to compatibility. You may even find you’re less tired and more energetic. Try it and see for yourself!
Send an email to carla@getcoached.com with Marriage Matters in the subject line for more helpful tips.