I Have to Fire My Nanny & Tell My Child
You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about a toddlers and what happens when they start toddling (and talking)! We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about children in their second year. Each Wednesday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of a parent with a toddler. Chiming in to give her feedback will be someone who has been there and done that. Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.
What happens when I have to fire my nanny? How do I tell my toddler?
If you are firing your nanny because of life and/or financial changes it’s important to make sure your toddler has a chance to bring closure and say goodbye. Perhaps they can make card or craft for the nanny or pick out a gift of some significance to their time spent together. If your are letting the nanny go because you had an issue with the care of your toddler, you can judge what type of closure, if any, is best.
Either way, you don’t need to over communicate the reason behind letting your nanny go. Use simple clear language (again the phrases you use depends on how the relationship ended). For example, if the child liked the nanny but she was fired due to other reasons (being late regularly, etc) you could say something like, “We know you have enjoyed your time with Julie but Julie will no longer be coming here to take care of you. I know Julie will miss taking you to the park and playing with you”.
Again if the nanny was fired because she did something to your child (in which case your child may be relieved) you can use this as an opportunity to reinforce that you, as parents, will only leave your child with kind and qualified people. “Mommy and Daddy have decided we did not like the way Julie spoke to you (or how she was always on the phone, or whatever the reason for the firing was) so she will no longer be taking care of you.”
Each family’s reason for firing will be unique so what each toddler is told will be unique. What’s important is that your toddler does not hear you bad mouthing the nanny and that your toddler knows he or she is not responsible for the nanny’s firing.
About our expert-
Heather co-owns babybites with business partner Laura Deutsch. She is responsible for managing, growing and overseeing babybites nationally as well their flagship city of Manhattan. Heather’s favorite parts of her job include hosting “Mommybites Live” an educational talk show with parenting luminaries, writing her blog which varies between sappy, educational and downright snarky, interviewing parenting experts for babybites’ regular tele-class series and facilitating some of the Manhattan working moms support groups. Prior to co-founding babybites, Heather was a learning specialist where she taught in London for many years as well as at The Dalton School in Manhattan. Heather holds a BA in psychology from Hobart and William Smith Colleges, an MA in child development form Tufts University and acquired her learning specialist degree form York University in England. Heather currently resides in Manhattan her husband, two boys, two fish and pet turtle. Heather’s hobbies include, hot yoga, Nutella eating, writing, Bravo watching, reading and sharing inappropriate jokes with girl friends. To learn more about Heather’s mission to support follow-moms in non-judgmental ways please click here.