You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about a toddlers and what happens when they start toddling (and talking)! We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about children in their second year. Each Wednesday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of a parent with a toddler. Chiming in to give her feedback will be an expert who has been there and done that. Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.
Our family pet passed away. How do I discuss it with my toddler?
Expert: Marsha Greenberg
It is so so sad to loose a family pet and helping your toddler understand is developmentally difficult. He won’t be able to understand the permanency of death but you can try these works: “Max has died. It makes mommy and daddy so sad. Max is not going to be here at our house. We will miss him very much.”
With most very young children you do not need to explain death just use the word the way you would introduce any other new concept. Eventually your children will want a deeper and more meaningful explanation. Try to spend some time before this happens articulating how you understand death and what you want to teach your children about your own values and beliefs. When the time comes – remember with most young children less is more – let them ask questions when they arise. If your toddler asks where your pet is try gently and matter of factly saying, “He died.” For most toddlers this will suffice. If your pet was old you can say, “Max was very, very, very old.”
Here are some books that can help preschoolers:
I Miss You: A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst
Nana Upstairs Nana Downstairs by Tomi DePaola
Even Pirates Cry by Mem Fox
Another great resource to help parents understand how to work with loss is the website: www.bmc.org/pediatrics-goodgrief.htm
Marsha Greenberg M.S., M.S. W