I’m a little torn. I know everyone does it, but is it good to use gifts as an incentive? It is the holiday season and I hear people saying, “You need to be good to get a gift. Be on your best behavior.” Is this ok?
Whenever I hear phrases like that, I do cringe a bit. What does it mean to be good? How long does one have to be good? What happens when gifts are no longer there for incentive? How will a child be good?
Using extrinsic things, (gifts, stickers, money) to force, um… encourage positive behaviors can be a slippery slope. It is great to get a thanks for a favor. If you drag your child to 5 stores in 3 hours, sure – get the child a book at the last stop. Let him pick where you can have lunch. This is also done after and as a thank you – not before as a bribe.
We want children to make the safest and best choices because they want to and because they know that they are the right choices to make. Sure, we all make mistakes, but we want kids to choose the kind, helpful, responsible path because they want to – not for gifts.
I have heard, “We get paid to work.” Yes, yes we do, but we do not get money or gifts or prizes when we do something helpful. When we empty the dishwasher, pick our child up from school, help a friend in need, we do those things because we are a part of something bigger. A family, a community.
Instead of using gifts as a bribe, since you only have a matter of time until that ends, explain why you are asking what you are asking. Tell your child why she needs to clean up, go to bed, run an errand with you, or not hit her sister.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
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Brandi Davis, ACC, is a professional Parenting Coach, Parent Educator, and Author of O.K. I’m A Parent Now What? She can also be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and be sure to catch her parenting podcasts on iTunes. The goal of Brandi’s practice is to bring respect, calm communication, teamwork, and FUN into the home or classroom. To discover all that Child and Family Coaching can bring to your family stop by www.childandfamilycoaching.com.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.