With the new year come New Year’s resolutions, and many parents out there will be looking to teach their kids lessons on the art of good manners. Politeness and etiquette are essentially timeless, but some of our younger generation (and many adults!) are lacking basic manners. Here are a few ways parents can instill more grace in their kids.
Model the behavior you want to see
When it comes to good manners, kids will do what we do and not what we say, so it has to start early on. Example? If parents expect kids to be polite when people speak to them at a store, they have to model that behavior. A parent who is rude to the cashier when they are in the store, and then expects anything different from Junior, is likely to be disappointed.
Set rules around electronics
In this day and age, members of the younger generation are growing up with a smartphone or tablet in their hands and they know how to use those tools, However, they don’t generally know how to put them down. Perhaps that’s the fault of adults (see point 1 about modelling behavior!) but it’s also a sign of the times. It’s also rude to text at the dinner table or be on the phone in public, shouting loudly or using the speakerphone. That said, if parents expect these kind of rules to stick, they better model them too.
Some other areas where manners are often lacking:
On the phone — “What?” is not an appropriate way to answer the family phone. Nor is “Yah?” It’s not necessary to get fancy with statements like “Jones Residence”, when ‘Hello’ will do. Using the hold button rather than dropping the receiver on the table and shouting for the person to whom the call in intended is also another example of behavior that needs to be stopped in its tracks.
Communication in general — Beyond the telephone and text messages, there are social rules that need to be observed. For example, when someone asks kids to RSVP to an invitation, they need to actually do it! Even the basics like saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ need to be reiterated to kids so often that they do it almost automatically.
Some specifics?
- Interrupting adults who are speaking — parents can teach kids to touch their arm when they have something to say. The parent can acknowledge by returning the touch, so that the child knows that Mom will respond in a second. Then parents need to actually do that and address the child.
- Commenting on appearances — commenting on someone’s physical appearance, dress, or a disability are all things that kids need to be taught to hold back, unless they’re planning on saying something nice.
- Teach active listening skills — after parents have asked them about their day, kids will hit the jackpot of proud parents if they in turn ask how their parents day was! Active listening and participation in conversation is a VERY important life skill that will carry kids into adulthood.
At the table — Napkin on the lap, feet on the floor, phone put away… That’s just for starters. How about not talking with full mouths, or not putting utensils down on the table cloth? Eating nicely, with cutlery, is learned: nobody is born knowing how to do that, even if they’re born with a silver spoon in their mouths:).
In public — Depending on their age, courtesy and kindness can always be taught, at some level. Small children can be taught not to run around a restaurant, wreaking havoc. Older children can be taught to hold a door open for someone and to thank someone who holds it open for them. Even saying thank you to another parent who has hosted them for a play date almost guarantees that an offer of another date will be extended again!
Asking first — Asking permission is a clear example of good behavior. A child who asks if they may be excused from the table will be appreciated by adults and children alike! A child who runs wild will not. Along the same lines as ‘asking’ is knocking. Teaching kids to knock on a closed door, rather than barging in, is a great life skill that will potentially also avoid major embarrassment if the door they’re knocking on is the one to their parents bedroom!
How can parents get better behavior out of their kids?
The key with most rules, as with most anything in life, is to start as you mean to finish. That is, parents who want certain behavior out of their children need to start early, so that it becomes a matter of fact to be kind and polite, rather than an exception.
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Allie Charlap is the Marketing Manager at Feltman Brothers, makers of classic, heirloom baby layettes and clothing since 1916.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their