A Mommybites reader and concerned parent asks:
My child has, umm, found herself. My mom says that I must make her stop and put her in time out. My friend says let her be. What do I do?
Ahh, yes. We think we have time before we have to talk to our kids about masturbation. We don’t have to worry about it until they are pre-teens or teens. NOPE. Kids find themselves early. Incredibly early. How could they not? It is right there ‘n’ all.
It often begins when the potty training begins. All of a sudden there is access. Access to this thing that they did not have much time with before and it feels nice. So, what to do? Keep in mind that it is totally normal, and it is your child’s body. That being said, you probably do not want your child doing this at the dinner table, in the living room while company is over, or at the park.
When I talk to kids about masturbation (as a toddler/preschool teacher it comes up a lot), I like to be very matter-of-fact. Here is what I say:
“There are special rooms in the home for special things. We cook in the kitchen, we park the car in the garage, we go potty in the bathroom. Do we sleep in the tub in the bathroom? (Noooo, you can say with a giggle.) Do we cook in the living room? (Noooo, again with a giggle.) If you want to touch your penis/vagina that is done in your bedroom. Some acts are private and we do not do them in public, like going potty or getting dressed. Touching your penis/vagina is one of them, too.” (There are many words in this statement. Modify it to the age and comprehension of your child and also use words that are authentically yours and that you can use comfortably.)
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Before everyone passes out, the bedroom is sexual to us because that is one of the things that we use it for. A bedroom for a child is more like territory — the child’s territory. A place to sleep, get away, play quietly, and yes… masturbate. Worried that this kind of talk will only encourage the behavior?
To that I say two things; There is nothing wrong with supporting a natural part of life. AND, they are gonna do it with or without support, so better to teach them that their body is theirs, that it is wondrous, where to do it, and that there is nothing shameful about the act.
In the end, it is just a body and we all have one.
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Brandi Davis, ACC, is a professional Parenting Coach, Parent Educator, and Author of O.K. I’m A Parent Now What? She can also be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and be sure to catch her parenting podcasts on iTunes. The goal of Brandi’s practice is to bring respect, calm communication, teamwork, and FUN into the home or classroom. To discover all that Child and Family Coaching can bring to your family stop by www.childandfamilycoaching.com.
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