By Lora Heller, Founding Director of Baby Fingers LLC
What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dog tails
That’s what little boys are made of!
~Mother Goose.
Mother Goose said that little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice…honestly, my boys are made of that too! Well, most of the time.
Parenting isn’t easy no matter what cards you’re dealt. And while we parents of boys don’t have to worry about hair ribbons, training bras, menstrual cycles, and make up, there are other issues…both genders have to deal with possible braces, acne, and size of private parts. Yes, kids look at each other and compare. My older son recently lost weight and had a growth spurt – since then, he’s been working on his “six pack” through a daily regimen of sit ups. He can challenge most girls in terms of time spent in front of the mirror.
Some of the “joys” (not!) I deal with as mother of boys include stinky feet, crumbs on the couch, dirty dishes, and things – everything – all over the place. If I follow the trail of backpacks, jackets, shoes, paper scraps (that I sometimes discover to actually be homework or mail) and TV remotes, I am likely to end at one of my boys. But that’s par for the course. That’s easily remedied – well, eventually remedied. I try to explain that if they clean up daily, the weekly clean-up is so much easier. When they set their minds to it, they do really well. My husband, while he can’t always find where he put his keys, is excellent about cleaning up. And he cooks too! My husband happens to be the only boy out of four children and spent early childhood sharing a room with one of his sisters. They all taught him well the rules of living with women, and some good habits about living in general. He is definitely passing those things onto our boys.
“I am convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal 2nd base than an automobile.” ~Tom Clark.
“A team is where a boy can prove his courage on his own. A gang is where a coward goes to hide.” ~Mickey Mantle
One of my friends and I met when we were pregnant the 2nd time. We each already had a boy and looked forward to the surprise when our next one was born. She had a girl, and people often said to her “One of each, how nice. You’re done now, right?” I had another boy, and I was often asked “So you’re going for a 3rd to get your girl?” My friend had a 3rd child – I didn’t. Neither one of us cared whether we had boys or girls…like most people, what we wanted were babies, and if we were lucky, healthy babies.
Anyway…there are true joys that come along with being a parent – even when (and perhaps especially when) parenting boys! Boys appreciate and need sensitivity and affection as much as anyone. Provide them with both and they’ll learn to give it back, even yearn to give it back. Maybe not in front of their middle school friends…but that’s ok. I have a son who likes a back scratch at bed time, and still often holds my hand while we’re walking together. My other one turns to me out of the blue just to say “I love you, Mom.”
While it is no more or less important for a boy to be sensitive than it is for a girl, our society has such high expectations for boys and men to be “macho.” Gay college students are taking their lives because of the horrific bullying and lack of acceptance forced upon them. Our boys need our support – they need good role modeling from older brothers, friends, relatives, and parents – to become well rounded, and to be accepted. Societal expectations can be hard to fulfill, and why can’t they be changed? Our daughters can become doctors and our sons can become teachers and girls can be the breadwinners while their husbands are the stay at home parent. Kids need love, period.
I am so very proud of my boys. They are excelling in music and sports. They are good students, and have really nice friends. They usually treat me and their dad with respect – they always show the utmost respect to others. They are smart, sensitive, creative, driven, athletic, musical, kind… I could go on and on. Boys can be tough to deal with and to live with, but so can I… so can everyone.
