As I write this to you, I am 20 weeks pregnant, filled with gratitude and feeling some precious little baby kicks in my belly. It’s a beautiful, amazing and surreal thing. Perhaps it’s even more amazing that I am healthily pregnant at 40. Not to mention, it happened the old fashioned way, on the second try.
You see, in my professional life I work with women who are trying to and often struggling to conceive, so I know how fortunate I am to have gotten pregnant with such ease at the age of 40. Intellectually, I know that fertility does decline with age, although I also know it doesn’t decline nearly as much as you may have heard. Here’s some science for you: according to one research study, 82% of women aged 35-39 who are having sex twice per week conceive within one year of trying in comparison to 86% of 27-34 year old women.
Another study found that 78% of 35-40 year old women who were having sex at their fertile times got pregnant within one year, compared with 84% of 20-34 year olds. So we are looking at an age related decline in fertility of only 4-6 percentage points in the 35-40 year old age group.
Yet, the information that is being spread to women is that 1 in 3 women (or 33%) over the age of 35 will not get pregnant after one year of trying to conceive. I’m not sure why this data has gained so much momentum as it just isn’t true (unless one looks at data from fertility clinics where they are looking at women who are already having fertility challenges). Additionally, over my ten years of clinical experience, I see women in their mid thirties to mid forties get pregnant all the time whether naturally or with assisted reproductive techniques.
That’s not to say we should take our fertility for granted or that getting pregnant is going to be seamless for any woman, at any age. A lot of women in their 20s, 30s and 40s are dealing with heart-wrenching fertility challenges. And, I can speak for myself when I say the stress around getting pregnant is just the first step.
Then there’s the risk of miscarriage, then there’s the tests to make sure that all is healthy with baby, then there’s the bringing a baby into this world part and then there’s the being a good parent part. Getting pregnant is just the first step. For me, the getting pregnant part was easy and thankfully all of my tests have turned out well. But, as much as I know intellectually about pregnancy and fertility, being pregnant especially in your 40s has its challenges – as there just seems to be a lot of concern and judgement about pregnancy at this age.
I didn’t intend to wait until my 40s to get pregnant. It just turned out that way. I am one of those women who never gave up on finding her true love. I met that amazing man a few months before my 40th birthday and it was one of those things – we just knew we were to be together for the long haul. The relationship moved fast; we fell in love, moved in together and started talking about building a family. We both wanted children, and preferably more than one. Since we do want to marry one another, the question for us was: do we wait and get married first, which might be a year later, and then start to create our dream family – or do we just go for it? Because of all the women I have worked with who have had fertility challenges, we decided to just go for it.
In all honesty, I did expect it to take at least three months – more like probably six – to get pregnant. I know how long it can take a couple to conceive, especially when both partners are over the age of 40. I know the increased risks of miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities with age. I’ve heard about and read all of the same statistics we all hear about: the emotionally draining tests, the roller coaster ride of multiple rounds of IVF or clomid, the painful shots, the mounting bills and the nights of tears.
And, as much as I have always had faith in my body and it’s ability to conceive, I’d be lying to you if I didn’t say these thoughts weren’t causing me some turmoil. So, when we conceived on month two of trying, I was both relieved and in shock as I have seen women in their 20s and 30s take 10 months to conceive. To say I am grateful is a massive understatement. However, that doesn’t mean I didn’t spend most all of these 20 weeks worrying about the health of my child. With every test that came back normal and with every heartbeat I got to hear of his, I breathed a sigh of relief. From the get go I was – and, I am sure will always be – concerned about my baby. In my case, it felt like knowledge was more paralyzing than power.
All of this made me wonder: Why was it so easy for me to get pregnant? Is there something I’m doing differently than other women my age? Was my body just aging differently? Did age really have to do much with fertility at all? Was it just pure luck? Was it because I was so happy and in love? Will I be able to do this as easily again in a couple of years? I have begun a quest to know more because I want to help guide other women towards having successful pregnancies – even in their 40s. I want to share knowledge and inspire women because pregnancy does happen for women in their 40s – as I’ve seen it dozens and dozens of times. And, now I’m proof of that, too.
I do wholeheartedly believe that we are more fertile than we are not (and, the science does support this notion). The problem is-we are just surrounded by a lot of fear and struggle when it comes to fertility and it is affecting our psyches. Women are not telling enough of the good stories. We, as a society, are more problem-focused than solution-focused.
I believe that I got pregnant with ease at 40 because I take great care of my body. I know that I am healthier now than I was when I was in my 20s and struggling with an eating disorder. I definitely drink less and sleep more than I did in my 30s. I honor my health and my soul in a way now that is immeasurably better than even just five years ago. I am happy. I love myself, wholly and completely, like I never have before. And, through that self-love, I treat my body like a temple. I do believe all of that helped me conceive in my 40s. As I got older and wiser, I began to see my ability to conceive as an extension of my overall health – mentally, emotionally, physically and nutritionally – and not solely as a function of my age.
I am now convinced more than ever that biology is only one small piece to this fertility puzzle. To find out the other pieces, we need to explore deeper – not just scientifically, but socially. It is my wish that more women will share their stories on their path to conception, especially those women over the age of 35. Many women get pregnant in their 30s and 40s, yet many more are afraid that they won’t conceive at these ages.
Let’s share more of our later-in-life pregnancy stories so we can inspire hope for all women. Let’s share our stories so that we can remind women that your fertility is an extension of your health and wellness – mind, body and soul.
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Aimee E. Raupp is a women’s health and fertility expert, author, and founder of the Aimee Raupp Wellness & Fertility Center. Her focus is improving health and beauty, preventing disease, and increasing fertility among women whose health and wellness are challenged by the demands of Western culture. Aimee launched her new fertility-friendly beauty product line in Winter 2013. Find Aimee on Facebook and Twitter @aimeeraupp.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.