Many of us want to bring more calm, cooperation, and happiness to our homes (okay, we want to stop yelling, and punishing, and we want tantrums to end). That dream can be fulfilled. It takes a little work, a lot of patience, and a bit of practice. Here are the 4 goals that can change your family, your year to come, and your life (no, really, not an exaggeration – try it).
Stop yelling at your kids.
We all get mad – really mad. We all get frustrated. We all have strong feelings. The thing is that yelling helps fix none of these feelings, and after the dust clears, we end up feeling WORSE. We are drained, guilty, anxious, and nothing gets solved. So what to do?
Be clear about the expected behaviors. We THINK kids know how to behave, but sometimes they are not so sure. Be clear about the consequences and what will happen when those expectations are not met. Keep ‘em simple and connected. If someone throws blocks, put the blocks away. If someone won’t put his shoes on, he will run out of playground time. If someone is yelling or hitting, she has to be excused or miss an activity, as you can’t take a child who is not behaving in a safe manner out and about. Speak in a calm, clear voice and let the consequences do the talkin’. Most of all, follow through on the consequence. Follow these steps and you will yell no more.
Stop apologizing.
Yes, your child is having the most amazing tantrum in the middle of the sidewalk. Your kid begins to pour ketchup all over her green beans. Your child has decided that he does not want to kiss grandma. These are the times when you feel that you must be embarrassed or apologetic. NO WAY! Kids are kids and they DO stuff, loud stuff, messy stuff, weird stuff. If you feel that you have to apologize for your kids all the time, maybe it is time to lower those expectations and ask yourself why you really are upset about the behavior.
Maybe ketchup on green beans tastes good, and at least she is eating veggies. It is just a tantrum – wait it out and give the stink eye back to anyone that gives it to you. YOU kiss grandma, tell her it’s from the kids. Feeling the need to constantly apologize adds stress and anxiety and guilt to your life. Accept your children for who they are and laugh it all off, or just take a deep breath if nothing seems funny at the time. No need to spend your days saying, “Sorry” for normal kid stuff.
Stop micromanaging.
You schedule activities, you have the craftiest craft time, you make sure the right outfit is on with shoes to match, you have lunch planned out for every school day of the month, you model and teach the very best in manners… You have it ALL under control. Now STOP.
All the micromanaging can be overwhelming and time consuming. Sure your kid likes to dance, play soccer, draw, act, but that does not mean that he has to do all of them. Yes, crafts can be fun, but so is just drawing and gluing, and seeing what comes of it. Your kid wants to wear all blue? Sure she will look like a giant blueberry, but why is that a BAD thing? If he wants to eat the ham and cheese off of his sandwich before eating the bread, why not? Let go of the right way of doing things and stop trying to create the perfect family experience (you will find that the imperfect ones are where the memories are made) and just let your kids be kids. Less fights, less tantrum, less pushback, and less for you to do.
Start having fun.
Get dirty, run in the rain, make chocolate chip pancakes for dinner. Laugh. Keep your kids safe, get them where they need to be, teach life lessons, but be sure to have time for silly, time for goofy, time for fun. When you have fun with your family and relax a bit on the stuff that is stressing both you AND the kids out, there will be more cooperation and teamwork and less fighting and push-back.
What other parenting resolutions are you going to make this year?
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Brandi Davis, ACC, is a professional Parenting Coach, Parent Educator, and Author of O.K. I’m A Parent Now What? She can also be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and be sure to catch her parenting podcasts on iTunes. The goal of Brandi’s practice is to bring respect, calm communication, teamwork, and FUN into the home or classroom. To discover all that Child and Family Coaching can bring to your family stop by www.childandfamilycoaching.com.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.