I am expecting a new baby and I am not sure how to make the transition smooth for my toddler. I know things can get rough. Help!!
You are right. The transition can be a tough one, but there are ways to make it a bit easier. Keep in mind that while a new baby is a gift, a welcome or much desired addition for a parent, to the child that is presently living with you, it may not be quite the welcome treat.
Realizing that changing the family dynamic can be extremely traumatic for a child can be a big help. Her life has been lived one way and now it is changing. Change is HARD! You know it. I know it. Kids know it.
Okay, onto the strategies:
- Get your kid in on the action. Let him help pick out colors for the baby’s room, decorations, pictures, books. Let him help pick the name. Ummm, just because your child makes a suggestion does not mean that you MUST use it. You do not have to name your baby Buzz Lightyear or have a green, orange and black polka dotted baby’s room. A child could also create art to hang in the room. Just including a child can make her feel that the baby is a family event, not a mommy and daddy event.
- Another thing that often gets overlooked is how a child feels when his belongings are being used by someone else. He may have grown out of the object, but it is still his and he may be upset when it is handed off for someone else to use. Ask permission to use your child’s things for the baby. (You may have bought the crib or chair or blanket, but she has been using it for the past few years.) Yes, you may feel a little silly but you will benefit in the end.
- BE HONEST! “Nothing will change honey. Everything will be the same, there will be just more of us to love and to love you. It will be great.” You know that the previous statement sounds good and it sounds just like what a parent should say and it sound so wonderfully reassuring and IT IS A BIG FAT LIE!!! Oh, and when your kid finds out that you have lied, you will be in a world o’ trouble. She will be angry in ways that you do not want to think that your sweet angel could be angry and she will let you know, loudly. So what to do??
Tell your kids that you will be so tired and things will totally suck for them like it did for you (maybe) when your little sister or brother came and no one talked to you anymore and you had to give away all of you old things and….??? Well, sort of.
Kids are tougher than we think and they do, in the long run, appreciate the honesty. Do not wait expectantly for a “Thank you for your honesty, parents” or flowers. What you will get, is a kid ready for what is really to come and your thanks will be in the form of less tantrums.
Let your child know that you will be tired. That you may have a little less time to do the things that he may want to do. You might be really busy because babies cannot do anything for themselves. Let her know that babies can be loud and do not make great playmates at first because they cannot do all that much in the beginning. Reassure him that you will love him just as much as you do right now. Let her know that if she is feeling left out, she can come and talk to you about it. He can tell you any feelings that he is having. (You may not want to hear all that she has to say about the baby, but do it anyway.)
The key to survival is understanding that having a baby is a huge life event. Navigating through this time involves acknowledging that your perspective as parents wanting to expand your family, may differ from a smaller and younger member, who might be just fine with the status quo. Lastly, keep in mind that many of us have survived the new baby and being big sibling and your children will, too.
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Brandi Davis, ACC, is a professional Parenting Coach, Parent Educator, and Author of O.K. I’m A Parent Now What? She can also be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and be sure to catch her parenting podcasts on iTunes. The goal of Brandi’s practice is to bring respect, calm communication, teamwork, and FUN into the home or classroom. To discover all that Child and Family Coaching can bring to your family stop by www.childandfamilycoaching.com.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.