Here are a few ways to encourage problem solving AND trim the tattling.
Help Your Kids Find Their Words
If your child comes up to you and says, “Mommy, he said that I am bad at running.” Help him find ways to express how he feels. “What would you like to tell that person who said you were bad at running?” Come up with ideas together, for example:
- “I love running. I think it is fun.”
- “I am good at running.”
- “How can I be bad at running? I like it and I run like me.”
- “If you are not going to be nice, I will play with someone else.”
Remember, no matter how silly it seems to you, the incident upsets your child. It is not silly to her. Leave out the commentary and judgement, that is a silly thing to be upset about, who cares, that is no big deal, that
shouldn’t upset you, that makes no sense – you get it.
Help Your Kid Problem Solve
If your child comes up to you and reports, “Daddy, he took my shovel.” Help your child find ways to deal with the situation. “What can you do to get it back?” Come up with ideas together, for example:
- Your child can ask for it back
- Your child can find another shovel for their friend
- Your child can ask you for help getting it back. Yes, help. We all need help sometimes. If a child has used their words and still cannot get the desired result, they may need you to step in. It is MUCH better to encourage your child to ask for help than have your child hit someone, get into a fight, or give up what they want and feel defeated.
Take Action
Sometimes your child DOES keep coming up to you and complaining, “He won’t give me the ball.” “He won’t let me score.” “He bumped into me.” You have tried to help her use her words. You have tried to help him problem solve, it is time to take action: “This seems very upsetting for you. We have tried to solve this but it is not working. You need to make a decision. Do you want to play soccer with Bill OR is it not so fun anymore? I am going to say that if you are this upset you might want to find something else to do.”
You can also nip it in the bud and take him out of the activity. Sometimes kids will stay somewhere that is frustrating to them and continue to come and tell you about it. If they cannot cope with the situation, it may be time for you to decide that place is just not right for them. It is fine to come and ask for help but if a situation is just too trying, it is time for it to end, and you can end it.
The next time that you want to tell your kid to solve the issue, deal, or just suck it up, keep these ideas in mind and help your child learn to problem solve, communicate, and come to you when help is REALLY needed. That is the tale on tattling.
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Brandi Davis, ACC is a certified Parenting Coach, Parent Educator, and Author of O.K. I’m A Parent Now What? She can also be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and be sure to catch her parenting podcasts on iTunes. The goal of Brandi’s practice is to bring respect, calm communication, teamwork, and FUN into the home or classroom. To discover all that Child and Family Coaching can bring to your family stop by www.childandfamilycoaching.com
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.