Actress Eva Mendes dropped women’s jaws around the country when she said that sweatpants cause divorce. What was meant to be a light-hearted comment turned into a full debate among social circles nationwide. Are sweatpants really that bad?
Although Eva Mendes has made a public apology, people are still analyzing the comment. It’s brought to the surface a concern that’s plagued many relationships – weight gain.
- “Big is beautiful.”
- “Strong is sexy.”
- “Men love curves.”
There is truth to these statements. But the type of weight gain haunting relationships goes deeper than that. It may signal a lesser focus on health in both people, which can lead to a host of other concerns, such as hormonal imbalance, heart disease, and anxiety.
The Relationship Stages
As a therapist, I’ve met many couples who are concerned with weight gain in themselves, their partner, or both people in the relationship. Looking at your relationship from a birds-eye perspective, you’ll see when and how the weight gain happened.
You began your relationship in the romantic love stage. You were passionate and full of desire while you explored your physical and emotional intimacy.
After a few months (or a few years), you move to the “sweatpants” – or comfort – stage. During this stage, you fall into the mode that Eva Mendes referenced – familiarity. When you feel comfortable enough to let your full self come to the surface, you’re able to let your hair down, put on your sweatpants, and might stop trying as hard to impress your partner.
The comfort stage is when many partners start to pack on the pounds. If you’ve noticed weight gain seeping into your relationship, and are concerned about it, there are a few ways you and your partner can actively work together to get back on track.
Cook together.
Kitchens are a great place to rekindle your connection and encourage healthy living. It’s fun to cook together! Explore nutritional recipes together instead of eating out, and then spend your date nights in the kitchen instead of in a noisy restaurant.
Take long walks after dinner.
Instead of perching yourself in front of the TV after dinner, get outside. Create a habit of taking long walks after dinner to get your blood pumping and rekindle your passion for each other.
Workout together.
There are plenty of fun new workout classes. From kickboxing and Crossfit to Bikram yoga, explore new workouts that both you and your spouse will love doing together.
Find your sleep pattern.
When your body is out of whack, everything is off – including your metabolism. Get regular sleep by encouraging each other to go to bed and wake up at consistent times, even on the weekends.
Stay intimate.
Intimacy doesn’t have to die in the comfort stage. Having a healthy sex life will keep you feeling and looking your best. Need to kick-start the romance? Try going on more intimacy dates.
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Rachel Moheban-Wachtel, LCSW is a multilingual individual and couples psychotherapist who has had a private practice in New York City for more than 18 years. She specializes in relationship issues and provides in-person and virtual counseling. Get her FREE 5 Day Relationship Communication Challenge to learn how to communicate more effectively and create more intimacy in your relationship here.
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