Before anyone starts judging, I would like to point out that I didn’t say I didn’t love my children. I just said I don’t always love being a mom.
What prompted me to write this was the other day, I was reading a post on a very popular Instagram account. It was the account of a woman who details her life as a mom to a young child. She was talking about how it was her first time celebrating her birthday since becoming a mom. For whatever reason, her child was having a hard time that night. He was up, fussy and crying until he finally passed out on the living room floor at 3:00 in the morning. After detailing her night of chaos, she ended the post by saying, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” The first thought that ran through my mind was, “B*LL SH*T!!”
Personally, on any given night, especially my birthday, I could tell you several different things that I would prefer to do other then having to deal with a sleepy, cranky, fussy child. This post bothered me so much because it plays into what people think they are supposed to feel, do and say as a mom even if they themselves know it is not true.
When I first had my babies I was so excited and running on adrenaline. I loved taking care of them and thought motherhood suited me well. Within a few weeks, exhaustion and reality set in. I was overwhelmed, crying often and unhappy. All I kept hearing was how lucky I was to have two healthy children (true) and wasn’t motherhood the greatest thing ever (I couldn’t fully agree with that one). I felt horrible wondering why everyone seemed to love being a mom so much while I, on quite a few occasions, felt the exact opposite.
What I soon discovered was that I was not alone. I started being honest with friends about how I was feeling. It was a little scary at first. I was concerned about being judged and/or criticized. Amazingly, once I started sharing my feelings, so many other people joined in and admitted that they felt the same way. It really made me feel so much better to know that I wasn’t the only one who didn’t think every moment of motherhood was pure bliss.
Being a mom is hard. Harder than any job you ever had before. You work nonstop, don’t get a paycheck for all of your hard work, you are never promoted and you are rarely praised for a job well done. Who would love that all of the time??
Of course every moment is not a difficult one or one that you wish someone else could do for you. Indeed there are lots of hugs, kisses and smiles dispersed throughout.
My point is that it’s ok to say that being a mom at times is hard, not enjoyable, not your favorite thing, or just plain sucks. Like me, you will be surprised at how many women feel the same way. By being honest and acknowledging how you feel, you are not being a bad mom. You are being real.
P.S. I’m here to help! Please feel free to send your twin questions to jengenel@gmail.com.
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Jennifer Genel is a renowned twin expert and licensed social worker. She is an associate at Twin Love Concierge, USA’s Premier Twin Specialists. You can follow all of Jen’s ups, downs and everything in-between as she navigates being a parent of twins on her goingtwinsane blog. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and twins, Jake and Rachel.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.