When you are a parent of more than one child, it is only natural to make comparisons between them. The athletic one, the social one, the shy one, the smart one, the good one, and the list goes on. However, it so important to remember that kids are unique and special no matter what their talents might be. For instance, parents can get caught up in feeling badly for one child because they aren’t as academic and don’t get the grades that their sibling gets.
When parent’s come to me with this concern, I say, “Wait just a minute, one child’s weakness is another child’s strength.” If they aren’t academic, but are very artistic, maybe they will be just as successful down the road. Here are a few important things to remember if you catch yourself getting caught up in this predicament.
- All children have qualities that make them shine. Sometimes it may not be the quality you would have chosen for them, but as parents you have to learn to see this for the positive that it is.
- Don’t get caught up in what others find important. We live in a very competitive society today. A lot of kids are smart. Being a standout and being recognized for being different is very special and will pay off big time down the road.
- Kids can sense when their parents are making comparisons. They are very in tune to what their parents think of them. Be very careful not to make them feel as if they aren’t as smart, social, funny, outgoing, or good looking as their sibling. This will have a very negative impact on their self-esteem.
- Find qualities in each of your children that you love about them and importantly that they love about themselves. This will make them feel good about who they are.
- One child makes their bed, brushes their teeth and cleans their room right when you ask them to. The other procrastinates all morning. This is a perfect example of how parents compare their children’s behavior. Try to resist temptation so it doesn’t lead to sibling rivalry in your home. You don’t want one child to always feel that they are always being praised and the other always being chastised. It will create a divide amongst your kids, which you definitely don’t want!
- Try looking for different activities that each of your children are passionate about. This will help them not feel competitive against one another and help create an identity that is special just for them.
- What you are today, you might not be tomorrow. Kids are always changing and evolving. Let your child mold into the person they are to become naturally. That often means they are going to go through many phases through their childhood years. That is a good thing.
If you have more than one child, remember that your kids are going to be different. The greatest gift we can give our children is a sibling. Siblings help children experience life growing up with someone else that has different likes and dislikes than they do. Hopefully it will make them more tolerant and open-minded as they go through life.
Keep discovering, enjoying, and encouraging all of your child’s special qualities every day. If they think you believe in them for who they are, they will believe in themselves.
Stefanie Weiss
Mental Health Consultant
Follow Stefanie on Twitter at @askstefanie and Like the ASK STEFANIE page on Facebook
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The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.
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