You asked and now you shall receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about toddlers and what happens when they start toddling (and talking)! We will now answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about children in their second year. Each month, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of a parent with a toddler. Chiming in to give her feedback will be an expert who has been there and done that. Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.
My toddler gets upset about taking a bath – what can I do about it?
There can be many reasons why your toddler becomes afraid of getting in the bathtub. He may have gotten soap in his eyes. Or she may have had a small cut or diaper rash and the soap and water created some burn. Often embedded in this reaction is the desire your toddler has to control her environment and the choices that are being made.
Whether or not you understand the source of your toddler’s fear, accepting his fear is very important. You may find it unreasonable, but fears are not about logic. Once you allow yourself to accept your toddler’s worry, you can begin to help her reduce her anxiety, manage her feelings and get comfortable at bath time again.
Here are some strategies to start with:
1. Try saying (if you do know), “I know you are afraid of… and I will help you stay safe. I know when you bumped your head on the faucet it hurt. Let’s sit over here so you don’t bump your head again.”
2. Try taking a bath with your toddler. If it makes you feel more comfortable, put on your bathing suit and have a “day at the beach.” If this works, get in the tub first and then from a knee position bring your toddler in with you. Keep the towels close and be safe together.
3. Try giving her a bath at a different time of day. She may be more willing to get in the tub in the morning when the routine is not associated with bedtime. You may also have more patience to help her with her feelings.
4. If your toddler won’t sit down, make sure your tub has a good bath mat and just do a fast rinse while he stands up. Let him know that he does not have to sit today, but in a few days you will try to help him sit down to stay safer.
5. Don’t try to attempt any shampooing if she is really having a rough couple of days. As dirty as a toddler may get, she can go a few days without a bath or shampooing.
6. Do your best not to threaten your toddler. Remind yourself that if someone were to threaten you about getting over your fears, it would not make the situation better for you-in fact, it more than likely would create more side effects.
7. Try introducing a shower for your toddler. Many toddlers love getting into a shower -take advantage of this.
8. Try different bath toys. Enlist your toddler’s help in picking out some interesting, fun stuff. Look through your kitchen to find some different things -no need to buy anything new.
9. Try to relax. This is typical toddler behavior, and with a little time and understanding your toddler will be back on track.
Marsha Greenberg is a therapist in New York City. She is the author of the newly released book, Raising Your Toddler, by Globe Pequot Press. She has masters degrees in Child and Family Development and Social Work from the University of Michigan. As the Director of the Health Systems Child Care Program for over 14 years, she was responsible for over 250 children between the ages of 6 weeks and 6 years of age. Marsha teaches in the Early Childhood Special Education department at NYU and has a private psychotherapy practice in NYC. Marsha is the mother of three grown sons and has three grandsons (aged 4 and 18 months and 4 months) with a new grandchild on the way.
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