The holidays are here, and along with the festive décor, large social gatherings and creation of wonderful memories come major disruptions to family routines. Kids are out of school, staying up later at night, and eating lots of sugary treats. This is a really exciting time for kids, and at the same time, it places demands on their ability to be flexible, which doesn’t always come easily to children.
Kids – and parents – can be at risk for becoming cranky, tearful, or frustrated over the holidays. This time of year can be particularly stressful for parents – gifts, parties, and donations are expensive, and spending time with extended family and friends can be both wonderful and taxing. For these reasons, it’s important for parents to “cope ahead” to anticipate holiday-related stressors and plan for them accordingly.
Maintain good physical health. Maintaining good health is essential for effectively managing stress. Exercise, sleep, and balanced eating are all key to staying healthy during the holidays. Monitor those holiday cocktails. If you come down with something, attend to your illness just like you would if your child was sick. The overall idea is to be flexible and strive for a balance of enjoying the exciting holiday disruptions while maintaining some semblance of normalcy to keep yourself and your family healthy and calm(ish).
Keep kids’ schedules relatively predictable. Kids respond best to predictability and routine, so try to keep bedtime, naptime, and mealtimes as consistent as possible, along with your family rituals, like reading a story before bed. Continue enforcing the same rules and expectations – homework still needs to get done, garbage needs to go out, and clothes need to be put away. Although it might seem like a treat, removing all expectations can be unsettling to kids. Also, be sure to tell them ahead of time about parties or events to maintain a sense of predictability.
Save difficult interpersonal situations for later. The purpose of holiday gatherings is to enjoy one another’s company, not necessarily to resolve longstanding disagreements or engage in contentious debates. If you find yourself feeling sad or angry with someone, try to focus on something positive in the moment – a delicious meal, a conversation with someone else, or the music around you. Practice speaking in a calm, upbeat manner (even if you’re faking it on this one day!) and force a half-smile – research shows it can actually make you feel genuinely happier. Wait until a non-party situation to address your hurt or angry feelings, and practice “putting it on a shelf” until a more appropriate opportunity.
Ask for and accept help that’s offered. We place great value on the ability to multitask, and yet research shows that it is usually an ineffective way of increasing productivity and doesn’t help with stress. Be mindful about what you take on this season, and don’t over-commit. Feel free to delegate tasks to others, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. When you do, be as specific as possible, e.g., if you’re hosting a dinner, ask one guest to bring dessert and another to bring a salad so you can focus on the main dish. Sometimes people make vague offers that don’t fully register (“If there’s anything I can do…”); this year, be ready to respond with a specific way people could help you out.
Set aside a little time to relax. Deep breathing (or “belly breathing” as we like to call it with children), progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, yoga, and guided imagery are all effective ways to decrease anxiety and increase calm. Plan to set aside a few minutes at the beginning and end of each day to clear your mind and focus on your breath. In the spirit of coping ahead, do this even if you’re not feeling too overwhelmed or stressed out, and increase the amount of time as necessary if you are feeling the tension that the holidays can bring.
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Jamie Howard, PhD
Dr. Jamie Howard is a clinical psychologist specializing in the evaluation and treatment of anxiety and mood disorders in children and adolescents. Dr. Howard will lead the Child Mind Institute’s Anxiety and Mood Disorders Center trauma response group. Her expertise in treating post-traumatic stress and adjustment disorders across the lifespan is a product of dedication to the most current and effective interventions, combined with her passion for helping children and families adjust to difficult and unexpected life experiences.
Dr. Howard has extensive experience providing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to children, teens, and young adults suffering from a range of anxiety disorders, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She has received specialized training in multiple innovative treatments, including trauma focused-CBT, cognitive processing therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy.
Recently Jamie has become a familiar expert opinion weighing in on the most recent trauma related stories and providing insight and tips for parents during times of distress relating to Hurricane Sandy and the Newtown Tragedy. Jamie has been featured on Good Morning America, ABC Nightline, Fox News, CBS News and ABC News.
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