Dear Readers,
Because so many of you are facing extraordinary challenges as a result of Hurricane Sandy, I want to use this column to help you smile, however briefly, by sharing some humor from grandparents and grandchildren. (I thank my dear friend GP for sending these to me.)
Message on Grandparents’ Answering Machine
Good morning . . . At present we are not at home, but please leave your message after you hear the beep.
Beeeeeppp …
If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of “arrival” in the family so we know who it is.
If you need us to stay with the children, press 2.
If you want to borrow the car, press 3.
If you want us to do your laundry, press 4.
If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5.
If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6.
If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7.
If you want to come to eat here, press 8.
If you need money, press 9.
If you are going to invite us to dinner, or take us to the theater, start talking: we are listening!
What Is a Grandparent?
(Taken from papers written by a class of 8 year olds.)
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people’s.
A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady.
Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them…They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn’t step on ‘cracks.’
They don’t say, ‘Hurry up.’
Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear.
They can take their teeth and gums out.
They have to answer questions like ‘Why isn’t God married?’ and ‘How come dogs chase cats?’
When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.
Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.
Grandparents don’t have to be smart.
They know we should have a snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad.
Grandpa is the smartest man on Earth! He teaches me good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him.
A six year old was asked where his grandma lived. “Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”
Readers, my Thanksgiving Day wish is that you are able to surround yourselves with loving family and friends and be able to share your gratitude for all that is good and wonderful in your life. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ask Dr. Gramma Karen is published every other Tuesday.
E-mail queries to Karen@mommybites.com
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