I am getting more and more frustrated with my toddler’s behavior and snap way too often. What should I do?
Toddlers weigh into the world in a very different way developmentally during their second year. They now understand that they are separate from you and using the word no and resisting is part of their developmental work even though for us it is exhausting and frustrating. For most parents this is the time when anger can feel more intense as you navigate your own needs, desires and wants with your toddler’s needs and wants. Because competing needs can feel overwhelming our own anger can be triggers. It is important that you take a step back and try to understand what may be coming up for you in your own emotional history as you work with your toddler’s feelings.
In the moment if it feels to intense here are a few escape routes: take a 30 second break- breathe, go to the bathroom and run the water over your hands and remind yourself that this is a stage and will pass and although sometimes counter intuitive sit down and play with your toddler allowing them to take the lead in a situation that is not high conflict. Also take a closer look at patterns. When are your hardest times with your toddler? Can you eliminate some of them by not engaging in a particular power struggle? When you hold the line with your toddler, your toddler may not like it, but for most toddlers they will learn to tolerate their feelings if you stay steady with your own.
About our expert-
Marsha Greenberg is a therapist in New York City. She is the author of the newly released book, Raising Your Toddler, by Globe Pequot Press. She has masters degrees in Child and Family Development and Social Work from the University of Michigan. As the Director of the Health Systems Child Care Program for over 14 years, she was responsible for over 250 children between the ages of 6 weeks and 6 years of age. Marsha teaches in the Early Childhood Special Education department at NYU and has a private psychotherapy practice in NYC. Marsha is the mother of three grown sons and has three grandsons (aged 4 and 18 months and 4 months) with a new grandchild on the way.
