Advice you never thought you’d need before having a kid…
There you are, looking great, drink in hand, munching on some yummy something. You are having a wonderfully funny conversation with your friends. This is the fun night that you have been needing.
Then your partner walks over and says, “It is time to go home.”
“Are you feeling ill?”, you whisper.
“No, I just want to go home.”
“I am having a good time. I would like to stay a little while longer.” You begin to get upset and confused.
“I said I am ready to go. LET’S GO! We are leaving. NOW!”
“I don’t want to go now. Can we stay a little longer? I am having fun.”
“I SAID WE ARE LEAVING NOW! I AM READY AND IF I AM READY YOU HAVE TO BE READY TOO!”
Now, I want you to sub you and your partner for your child and you. Think about it for a moment. Perhaps you haven’t ever been in this situation, but perhaps you have.
I cannot say how many times I hear parents demanding children come and go on their whim. Surely, the parent has a plan or schedule or reason for wanting to come or go, but the child does not know that. What happens when kids are asked to leave before they are ready to and without warning? Come on, you know. BOOM, an explosion. The fun time ends in a big tantrum or fight.
No, you do not have to stay at the playground until nightfall because your child wants to stay. Of course you do not have to skip lunch and stay at the arcade because your kid is having fun. You DO have to take a moment and look at the situation from your child’s point of view. Step into her shoes. (If you are asking “Why should I? I am in charge,” let me direct you back to BOOM.) Approach the situation the way that you would want someone to approach it with you.
GAME PLAN:
- Let your child know the plan for the day. “We are going to play at Amy’s house and have lunch with her, but after lunch we are going to go home. We are going to go home when?” Let your child repeat it as reinforcement. When you get there, repeat the plan. “You are going to play with Amy and eat lunch with her but after lunch we are going home.” As lunch approaches repeat again. “It is almost lunch time. You can play one last game, then lunch, then home.”
- Give a heads up. At the mall, “We can go to one more store, but then we have to go.
- “Where do you want to shop?” Arcade, “You can play one more game, then we are heading out.” Playground, “We are leaving in 5 minutes. Take one last swing or slid before we go.”
- Notice what your child is doing. If the five minutes have passed and they only have 3 puzzle pieces left, give them time to finish. The way you would want to finish a conversation with a friend.
These small changes in the interactions with your kids can save hours of fights and ill will. In addition, when you really DO have to leave in a hurry, your kids will be more likely to listen and take you seriously. Respect breeds respect.
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Brandi Davis, ACC is a certified Parenting Coach, Parent Educator, and Author of O.K. I’m A Parent Now What? She can also be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and be sure to catch her parenting podcasts on iTunes. The goal of Brandi’s practice is to bring respect, calm communication, teamwork, and FUN into the home or classroom. To discover all that Child and Family Coaching can bring to your family stop by www.childandfamilycoaching.com
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.