Our children are our everything. Sometimes they are hurting, sometimes they are sad, sometimes they need a parent to speak up for them when they don’t know how. It’s a new year and you might be wondering, “How can we advocate for our kids in a positive way?”
1. Never… scream, yell or shout when you are frustrated by a situation. I know this can be very hard sometimes, but you gotta keep your cool. It’s not what you say but HOW you say it! If your child is struggling, your first priority is to make the situation better, not worse. It will help you in the end!
2. Usually, there are 3 sides to every story. Try to remember this when you are handling a situation regarding your kids. All kids have disagreements with friends at some point or another. Getting involved when they are younger in a positive way can be very helpful. If you feel like a parent is open to it, try sitting the kids down to all talk about their feelings and how they can treat each other more kindly.
3. If your child is quiet, remember that you are his voice. Even though it may be difficult or uncomfortable, he needs you to protect him. Speaking up for him is one of the most important jobs as parent.
4. Sports coaches can be tough on kids at times. Do your children get overwhelmed when they hear yelling or shouting? Are they shutting down at game time? This can be very difficult for some kids. The only way for coaches to understand the situation is for you to tell them how your child is feeling. If your child is anxious, she can’t play the way that her coach wants her to. If you explain to a coach how your child can be helped and talked to so that she “gets it” – without being yelled at – chances are she will play better and learn a lot more about the game (Isn’t that the point anyway – learning to play the game and having fun?).
5. Doctors are smarter and always know best! HUH? Not quite. You are your child’s BEST advocate. Don’t ever forget it. If you think something is not right with your child, most of the time you are correct. Don’t second guess yourself. You are the one who knows your children best because they are yours! You know the way they eat, sleep, breathe, talk, walk, laugh, cry, jump, and bounce. Nobody – and I mean nobody – knows them better than you.
6. School can be a major struggle for many children. Whether it is a teacher, a subject they are having difficulty with or a class in which they are doing poorly, school can be a big stress for children. Speaking to a teacher or a principal to understand how your child is struggling and what you can do as a team to make the situation better for him is so important. Getting extra help in school and working one on one with a teacher can make a major difference for some students. Some kids need a little extra explanation to help them understand concepts more clearly.
7. Take notes and be organized. Parents are busy, frazzled, tired, and overwhelmed. When they need to advocate for their kids, sometimes they forget what they wanted to say. It happens all the time. If there is a situation that is worrying you, write down some key points so when you have to talk to a doctor, teacher or parent, you feel more confident and know exactly what you need to say.
8. Ask questions and talk to your children! Some parents say, “My kids tell me nothing.” Here is what I say to that: “That is not OK!” Sit down with your kids and really get down on their level. We’re all busy, but we need to make some quality time to sit and hear what is going on in our children’s lives. Don’t grill them for hours and hours – 10 minutes can make all the difference.
9. Going to bat for your child is an important job that all parents will have to do at some point in time. Something to remember is that although you think the sun rises and sets on your child and they can do no wrong, in reality that is NOT the case. Children make mistakes, say and do the wrong things, and are not always going to make us proud all of the time. That is OK! They are children. When you speak up, be prepared for someone to say something back to you that you may not want to hear or agree with. They are advocating too. Listen – you just may learn some new information that you needed to hear.
10. Teaching our kids to speak up for themselves is one of life’s greatest lessons and biggest gifts you can give them. Show your children how to be polite, confident and look people in the eye. This is something that will make them successful adults one day (and that’s what this whole parenting thing is all about, right?)
Advocating for our children is not easy, but it is one of the most important tasks we do for our them. Stand by them, support them, believe in them. Remember that you are their voice. Be powerful, positive, and proactive. They will thank you for it one day.
Stefanie Weiss
Mental Health Consultant
Follow Stefanie on Twitter at @askstefanie and Like the ASK STEFANIE page on Facebook
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The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.
