I have a toddler at the moment. He’s two. He likes to test. He likes to look right at me as he’s doing something he knows he shouldn’t. Sometimes he even gives me a little smirk. Normal toddler behavior, yes. But it can be really trying.
We all know about the Terrible Twos, and now it seems three is the new two, with “threenagers” popping up everywhere. Even four-year-olds take some heat! It got me thinking . . . at what age don’t they test??
The answer is there are challenges at every age, of course. But one thing I think is fueling the creation of all of these new designations to early stages of life is quite simply the fact that many young children are getting less sleep than they should.
Hear me out.
Testing behavior from toddlers is very normal. It’s even reassuring in a lot of ways. But as our babies get bigger, become more mobile, more verbal, and just become more like little people all around, we often forget that they are still very much babies. They are still very much developing and still very much in need of a lot of good, quality sleep.
What’s amazing is that there is actually not much of a difference in terms of overall sleep needs for children between the ages of one and four. Pretty crazy, right? It’s just that as children get older, the distribution of that sleep changes. Naps diminish and eventually go away. Even so, that doesn’t mean little ones still don’t need close to as much sleep as they were getting when naps were intact.
Another reasons sleep can easily fall off the parental priority list is because, well, it’s hard. It’s hard to negotiate and hard to listen to the protesting that comes with toddlerhood. It’s much easier to just give in. It’s also difficult to limit our own fun! After serving the homebound sentence that tends to be the first year of our little one’s life, it feels great to get out again and have that freedom. I get it. I’ve been there.
The truth is that in the long run, making your toddler’s sleep a priority will make life so much more pleasant for you than long days or late nights out with him ever could. While none of us can avoid the challenges of toddlerhood completely, well-rested toddlers are much easier to talk to, negotiate with, and set limits with than overtired ones. Do tantrums still happen in well-rested toddlers? Absolutely. But they are fewer and farther between and they are also much easier to curb while they are in progress.
Setting limits at this age is essential; in fact, it’s exactly what they are looking for when they are testing. So don’t be afraid to push back and set those limits. Take back the control and don’t forget to communicate with them, keeping in mind that they understand a lot more than they can often say. Above all, be consistent. All of the testing behavior is their way of looking to see how far they can go before the people they love will catch them and give them some much-needed boundaries.
So the next time you see your little one having a rough time of it, pushing a bit more than usual or having an even harder time concentrating or eating or just all around focusing, think back to how they’ve been sleeping and the priority you have been giving to it. Readjust where you need to and you will quickly see a difference. Soon you can have your normal testing toddler back and not just a testy one.
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Kristina Amerikaner is the (mostly) rested mom of two and a certified pediatric sleep consultant with Good Night Sleep Site New Jersey. You can also connect with her on Facebook or over on that newfangled contraption known as Twitter. When not thinking about sleep (yours and hers), she loves reading, baking, and tackling The New York Times crossword puzzle. She lives with her family in Northern New Jersey, her native state.
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