You asked and you shall now receive. It’s only fair for us to share all of this stored up knowledge about a toddlers and what happens when they start toddling (and talking)! We now will answer, in a very public forum, all of those burning questions about children in their second year. Each Wednesday, we will tackle a commonly-asked-question from the point of view of a parent with a toddler. Chiming in to give her feedback will be three women who have been there and done that: an expert (you know someone who does this for a living), a mom from our community (for the “best” friend advice you need) and a babybites’ team member (someone who will promise to give you the REAL deal and no fluff). Earmark, share and add your own input to today’s question; it’s good karma.
What ways can dads and their toddlers bond?
Expert: Marsha Greenberg
Toddlers bond with their dads the same way they do with their moms. All the day to day, hour to hour interactions help create attachment. The biggest challenge may be getting out of our partners way to let them develop their own way. Try to create space away for yourself so your partner is able to take over. Try not to give directions or suggestions and most of all try to to critique about what your partners choice was when you are gone. We cannot manage someone else’s experience. Your partner may love rough and tumble play and that is a great part of toddler-dad bonding. Play looks different between men and women and that is how it is suppose to be. Parents get raised differently themselves and so will play out these differences as they learn about being a parent. Bonding is less about the fantastic and more about the day to day message of I am here for you. That can come from being scooped up when your toddler cries or wiping a runny nose or changing a diaper. These small things send powerful messages of care an that is bonding. The closeness a baby feels in his dad’s arms is powerful even if it is in front of the television. Over time a toddler will not sit still and if you can allow your partner to have their own struggle to figure out what to do next more learning will be accomplished for both of them.
Mom: Laura Barash
I think the best way for dads and toddlers to bond is through a unique activity of their own. My husband and 2 year old love to swim together. You can hear my son’s infectious laughter when my hubby throws him around the pool. Music to my ears! In nice weather, my husband straps on the child’s bike seat to his mountain bike and they go cruising around town. They both love it.
Mommybites’ team: Heather Ouida
In our household I found that my husbanded bonded with our sons’ by doing the things with them that I never loved doing. I enjoy the “calmer” activities such as cooking, reading and art and crafts. My husband however, loves wrestling with them, playing soccer and football and making forts (in other words – he’s the “fun” guy!). The best bonding occurs when the adult and the child are fully enjoying the activity(s) they do together.
About our team:
Marsha Greenberg M.S., M.S. W
Marsha is a therapist in New York City. She is the author of the newly released book, Raising Your Toddler, by Globe Pequot Press. She has masters degrees in Child and Family Development and Social Work from the University of Michigan. As the Director of the Health Systems Child Care Program for over 14 years, she was responsible for over 250 children between the ages of 6 weeks and 6 years of age. Marsha teaches in the Early Childhood Special Education department at NYU and has a private psychotherapy practice in NYC. Marsha is the mother of three grown sons and has three grandsons (aged 4 and 18 months and 4 months) with a new grandchild on the way.
Laura Barash
Laura, March’s toddler mom, ready to answer your questions! She is a full-time mom to Jake, 4 1/2 years and Logan, 2 years. Prior to full-time motherhood, Laura lived and worked in NYC as a CPA and an executive recruiter for finance and accounting. Shortly before her 1st bundle of joy was born, she moved to the suburbs and now lives in West Hartford, CT. She has taken on the mom role with gusto and when not whipping up PB&J sandwiches, wiping runny noses, and breaking up wrestling matches between her sons, she co-leads the PTO at her son’s preschool, dabbles in photography, runs 5Ks, and takes boot camp classes whenever the bosses allow (Jake and Logan, that is!).
Heather Ouida
Heather co-owns Mommybites with business partner Laura Deutsch. She is responsible for managing, growing and overseeing Mommybites nationally as well their flagship city of Manhattan. Heather’s favorite parts of her job include hosting “Mommybites Live” an educational talk show with parenting luminaries, writing her blog which varies between sappy, educational and downright snarky, interviewing parenting experts for Mommybites’ regular tele-class series and guest facilitating some of the Manhattan working moms support groups. Prior to co-founding Mommybites, Heather was a learning specialist where she taught in London for many years as well as at The Dalton School in Manhattan. Heather holds a BA in psychology from Hobart and William Smith Colleges, an MA in child development form Tufts University and acquired her learning specialist degree form York University in England. Heather currently resides in Manhattan her husband, two boys, two fish and pet turtle. Heather’s hobbies include, hot yoga, Nutella eating, writing, Bravo watching, reading and sharing inappropriate jokes with girl friends. To learn more about Heather’s mission to support follow-moms in non-judgmental ways please click here.
