My granddaughter Becky will be ten next month. She told me she wants a cellphone for her birthday, but her mother said she’s too young and can’t get one. Becky said a lot of her friends have one and she doesn’t see why she can’t have one, too. She said she’d be willing to help pay for it. She asked me to talk with her mother about it. I never really thought about kids and cellphones, so at this point in time I don’t have an opinion one way or the other.
I have a great relationship with my daughter Mari, so I felt very comfortable having this discussion with her at Becky’s request. Mari said she just feels the kids grow up so fast today and she thinks ten is just too young to have a cellphone, but maybe when Becky is 12 or 13.
Mari and I both read your column and we’d be interested in whether you think a ten year old should be allowed to get a cellphone.
I can’t tell you whether I think Becky should be allowed to get a cellphone because ten year olds have different levels of maturity and responsibility, but I can give you some things to think about as you make your decision.
You may find some data on cellphone ownership and usage interesting, starting with the fact that 84% of all Americans have a cellphone. Granted, kids often exaggerate when they say, “Everyone else can do such and such,” but in this case, statistics support Becky’s contention that a lot of kids her age have their own cellphone. In a recent New York Times report, 36% of 10- and 11-year-old kids have cellphones, an 80% increase since 2005.
This same report describes the top five uses of the phone for this age group: (1) Call my parents (88%); (2) Call friends (68%); (3) Text messaging (56%); (4) Emergency purposes (54%); (5) Play games. A gender break down indicates that girls tend to use their phones to make calls and send messages, whereas boys are more apt to instant message and use the Internet to download games, music and video.
Becky was born into a digital world, and her future productivity and success require her to be digitally savvy. In fact, three out of four parents think it is just as important for their kids to know how to use digital media as it is to learn traditional skills like reading and writing (Harris Interactive Poll, 2007). Becky is probably already computer literate; she perhaps has her own computer, or at least access to one in her home or school. The cellphone, like a computer, is just another digital tool, but when kids are in their own homes online, this can feel safer to parents who worry about these same kids using a cellphone responsibly when they are out and about on their own.
Becky’s mom wants to be assured that Becky will be a responsible cellphone user. (I smile as I recall reading about one mom who made her son, who was known for losing things, carry around a toy phone for a several months to prove he would not lose it. He was highly motivated: he did not lose his toy phone.)
One suggestion I have for all parents to help lessen the anxiety about their kids having their own cellphone is to educate their kids with some guidelines for cellphone etiquette. For example, the parents can sit down with their child and a blank piece of paper. The parents can then ask the child his/her ideas on what the rules should be for being a responsible cellphone owner; the parents then add their suggestions to the list.
After discussing each one, the child or parent can write down the ones to be included, this document comprising a contract or agreement. The child signs the document, confirming that he/she agrees to the rules and commits to following them. This approach does not guarantee 100 percent compliance, but it can provide some appropriate awareness, education and discussion. (I have created a sample document that may be copied and modified)
Then, once parents get the cellphone situation under control, they can gear up to deal with their child’s request to upgrade to a smartphone (defined as a combination of a traditional Personal Digital Assistant or PDA and a cellular phone, although cellphone and smartphone technologies are quickly merging). Accurate numbers of kids owning smartphones are harder to determine, but one data set indicates that almost a third of the applications on smartphones owned by parents who allow their children to install applications were downloaded by their children. At what age do parents think a child should have his/her own smartphone? In a recent Crackberry survey, only 11% of parents felt 11 and 12 year olds should own a smartphone; 35% percent believe children 13 to 15 is the right age; 38% think 16 to 18; 13% think 18 or older is appropriate.
Back to whether Becky should get her own cellphone. In making a decision about whether to let a child have his/her own cellphone, the child’s level of maturity, his/her history in being responsible, and I would add a third, the preparation the child has had in learning how to be a responsible cellphone owner, all need to be considered. Your decision may factor in any family plans offered by your cellular service provider, as well as your financial situation. Some family plans will add a device at no charge whereas others charge. And finally, you may want Becky to assume some financial responsibility for having her own cellphone.
Ask Dr. Gramma Karen is published every Thursday.
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