My clients come to me feeling stressed and overwhelmed as they take on the juggling act of parenthood, career, marriage, etc. By nature, my superwomen/supermoms are do-ers and take on quite a bit – often stacking the plate with even more “to-dos” and responsibilities. Contradictory to achieving a balanced lifestyle, as moms, we simply have a lot to do and don’t know what to let go of in order to start simplifying. Even more importantly, we can get easily sucked into the busy distractions of the every day and lose focus on what’s most important to stay true to our core priorities.
The truth is, it’s not feasible to execute all things at the same time with the same 100% attention to detail and 100% level of energy. As a result, when we fall short of meeting our own expectations we inevitably fall victim to our doubts, fears, and uncertainties. Quickly our internal critic takes over and attacks our self-confidence and this very voice and the negative beliefs that we begin to identify with become our roadblock.
Time and again I see how our internal critic – this negative inner voice – holds us back and blocks us from realizing our goals (no matter how big or small they may be). This little critic that sits on our shoulder has a big voice and finds its way into our most core and vulnerable selves. It repeats the same negative message of “You’re not (smart, good, worthy, whatever…) enough” and it can become so convincing that we become paralyzed from taking action – ultimately preventing us from realizing our true potentials.
So, what are some small-but-tangible steps we can take on to shift things in our favor?
First, it’s making the conscious and deliberate effort to sort through all that we have going on in our lives – what I like to call the “noise” or the “clutter”. This is a great way to start taking ownership and exert more control over the things you want in your life. Pick a day (or two) and observe yourself. Use the time to simply list the things that distract your time, energy, and attention. What is the noise and clutter in your life?
Second, take out some time for a brainstorming/strategy session. You can always do it on your own or bring in the sounding board of someone you value and respect. Use this time with the intention of coming up with specific and targeted actions/behaviors that you will commit to in order to counter those things that you’ve identified as your distractions to your valuable time, energy and attention.
Third, do an inventory of your time and document (over the course of a week) where you spend doing what. This will really help make things obvious and clear. Of what you record, identify which are the things that are most meaningful and add value to your life. Then, ask yourself, “Am I spending the kind of time I want on the things I identify as most meaningful and that add value to my life?” If not, then where can you move things around or delegate? How can you make changes to your week or your month to better meet your needs? Who can you reach out to in your life (spouse, siblings, friends, relatives, neighbors, etc) to help make these changes a reality? We all need a support system to be successful!
To drive my points home even further, I want to share what I’m sure is a very familiar and inspirational analogy by the well-known author, Stephen Covey. It’s the demonstration of how to prioritize time – using an empty jar with big rocks, pebbles, and sand. Sound familiar?
The big rocks are our most important activities, pebbles are a lesser priority, and sand is least meaningful and what wastes most of our time. We all have the same amount of time to get things done, if you were looking at your jar (representing your life), how many rocks/pebbles/sand would there be? Why do some people do a better job than others in getting the most out of their day/week? How often do we sit and analyze WHERE we’re spending our time (the big rocks, pebbles, sand)? If what’s truly important to us is not getting the most from us, how can we expect different results?
Bottom Line: Prioritize your “big rocks” because that’s what will fuel you for everything else. It’s when you meet the needs of what makes you happy, fulfilled, and valued that everything else will fall into place.
To stay connected with Sandra follow her on
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