On Mommy Guilt and Childcare

By Sarah E. Visbeek, author of In the Trenches of Mommyhood

After I became a mother for the first time, my career took a backseat, and I was lucky enough to be able to work family-friendly part time hours for the next 6 years, affording me, in my opinion, the best of both worlds. Precious time spent mothering, yet having my foot wedged firmly in the door for my career.

Soon enough, though, it was time to bite the bullet. Time to head back to work full-time.

And so I did.

When my youngest was just 2 years old. And my middle child was just 3. And my oldest was just starting kindergarten.

It broke my heart.

We had a wonderful nanny. Someone who had been with our family, on and off, since my oldest was a 4-month old. So that indeed helped, knowing that my children were being loved and cared for, but it certainly didn’t stop the Mommy Guilt.

The Mommy Guilt was powerful. Overwhelming. Consuming. For someone else was spending more time with my children than I was. Daily.

In the blink of an eye, those tough years passed. And soon enough, I was the mother of three school-aged children. Still working full-time, yet realizing that even if I were able to be home? My children would be in school anyway.

And so – the Mommy Guilt has decreased in that respect. But oh, it’s still not gone! You see, the Guilt switches.

I would love nothing more than to greet my boys as they pile off the bus everyday with hugs and a plate of warm cookies. Yet I cannot. I am at work as the babysitter greets them, offers them a snack, and helps them with homework. Someone else is spending more time with my children doing the important things I wish I could do. Daily.

I have a sneaking suspicion that this Mommy Guilt? Is here to stay. *sigh*

What is your childcare situation and how do you feel about it?


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