Before I had my twins, I had often heard moms say that they “lost” themselves after having their kids. They were so wrapped up in family life that they forgot about their own needs. I remember thinking with judgment, “How is that possible?” and “That will never happen to me!”
Fast forward… it happened.
I was never the girl who felt the need to always be busy or do extravagant things. Simple things made me happy. I enjoyed taking morning runs, spending time with friends and family, reading gossip/fashion magazines and binge watching Sex And The City while eating pizza.
Once I met my husband, my social life certainly picked up, but I still made time to do the things that I enjoyed. I was a big fan of “a little alone time.” It just worked for me.
When I got pregnant and found out that I was having twins, I knew that things were going to change. I didn’t realize just how much though. My babies were born, and just like that I got swept up into mommy-hood.
Days (and nights) were filled with feedings, diaper changes, laundry, bottle sterilizing and cleaning (x2). I was trying to be everything to everyone – a great mom, a great wife, a great homemaker, etc. I made sure to have everyone’s needs (there were a lot of them) met before I took care of my own. The scary part is that doing all of that felt natural to me. In my mind, that was what was expected of me. Eventually, I became exhausted and very unhappy.
What was wrong with me? Why was I so unhappy? I was lucky to have these two healthy, beautiful babies (whom I was able to stay home with) and a great husband. I should be the happiest girl ever! Something wasn’t right.
It took very little time to figure out what the cause of my unhappiness was. It was ME. I got lost in the shuffle. I was so consumed by taking care of everyone else that I forgot about me and my own happiness. When was the last time I looked at a magazine? Spoke to a friend? Went for a run? The simple things that I found joy in seemed lost and forgotten. Don’t get me wrong -I found great happiness in being a mother and a wife – but I felt like a piece of me was missing.
I needed to get back on track. Having twins was going to make it trickier to schedule “me” time, but I knew that I had to do it. I started with short runs on weekend mornings. I then added into the mix an occasional cup of coffee or quick dinner with a friend on weeknights after my husband came home. Oddly, at first, it didn’t feel as good as I expected it to. My mind was still at home. Dare I say I even felt a little… guilty? I stuck with it though, because I knew it was truly what I needed.
After a few more runs, cups of coffee and dinners, I noticed my mood lightening. I was becoming happier. I started feeling like myself again. I was enjoying being a mom and knew that part of the reason why was because I was taking better care of myself and my needs. Just a few changes made such a difference!
My twins are almost three-years-old now. As you would expect, life is crazy and hectic, but I am a happy mommy (on most days ;). Striking the balance between “mommy” time and “me” time continues to be a work in progress. Some days are harder than others. That said, I know that I’m a better mom and wife because I no longer let my own needs fall to the bottom of the list. I highly recommend it!!
Please feel free to send your twin questions to jengenel@gmail.com.
Happy Twinning!!!
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Jennifer Genel is a renowned twin expert and licensed social worker. She is an associate at Twin Love Concierge, USA’s Premier Twin Specialists. You can follow all of Jen’s ups, downs and everything in-between as she navigates being a parent of twins on her goingtwinsane blog. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and twins, Jake and Rachel.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog contributor’s. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. Writers may have conflicts of interest, and their opinions are their own.
